ESPN: So Tyler, what did you think of waving the green flag at Brickyard this weekend?
Hansbrough: Tyler like NASCAR. Tyler get bored putting ball through hoop. I ugh, Tyler decided he goes to NASCAR race this weekend. Crowd thinks Tyler waved green flag. Tyler held back 30,000 HP of cars with his hand . . . then said “GO”.
ESPN: So you held back 20+ cars . . . then said “GO”?
Hansbrough: Tyler put ball in hoop.
ESPN: Yes, we know you’ve averaged 20 points, 9 rebounds in the summer leagues. But this is about your weekend at the races. I hear Junior happens to be your favorite . . . where were you when “The Crash” happened?
Hansbrough: Tyler wrecks lanes.
ESPN: No, the crash of Dale Sr . . . one of the most notable events in NC history. Not basketball lanes.
Hansbrough: *Blank stare*
ESPN: Have you ever been to a NASCAR race Tyler?
Hanbrough: Tyler go one time . . . .
ESPN: And how was it?
Hansbrough: *Blank stare as he recalls above memory* . . . Tyler not allowed back.
ESPN: Well can you explain to us what happened?
Hansbrough: Box out. BOX OUT! TYLER BOXED OUT IN LANE. Bodies everywhere.
ESPN: That sounds . . . like a bad memory. Is there anything else you’re thinking about at this moment?
Hansbrough: Ever heard of the Tyler-Bow?
Ben was rich and famous. He was also a quarterback.
One day, Big Ben stayed at Andrea’s hotel. His TV broke while he was waxing off to old reruns of Saved by the Bell.
But Saved by the Bell had ended. Big Ben wanted sexy time. His 6′5” fat ass blocked the doorway. Andrea said:
But Big Ben’s a NFL quarterback. Everyone wants a piece of his manly-motorcycle-surviving lard-ass. He began the countdown to blastoff. Andrea pleaded:
Since Big Ben doesn’t like being on bottom . . . and women can’t get pregnant on top he begins to calculate a solution to the situation. The game-plan was a 6-in-and-out on three:
Big Ben, a man of his word, continued to have his way with Andrea. Like the true 6′5” version of Ron Jeremy he is:
At that moment, he rolled over and Ben turned on Sports Center. Andrea was crying in the bathroom. The highlights were of Kobe Bryant. In a panic and after realizing what he had done he exclaims:
Andrea, embarrassed, worried, and now depressed fled the room. The next day, she visited the security guard to tell him about the situation. He told her that a lot of girls would love to have been in her situation, even the hotel manager.
Without any hope, Andrea went to the police. She wants Big Ben to pay up:
The end.
