The Fastest Ways to Die in Professional Sports

It is often said that in order to succeed in a sport that you must devote your entire life to eating, breathing, and drinking its fundamentals. Many people argue that the athletes today would never give their life, body, mind or soul to the games they love so much. However, if you look at the long seasons, injuries, surgeries, and even deaths involved in the sports there is no way you can argue that they don’t care. Although the fundamentals of sports will never change, great strides have been taken to ensure that no athlete will ever have to give their lives in competition again. This article will not look at which sports “kill the fastest” or “are the deadliest”, but rather it will look at how the deaths or near deaths of these athletes have acted as a catalyst for officials to save the lives for others.

HOCKEY

Hockey poses the most gruesome instance of giving your life to play the game. Thankfully, this accident did not result in a death. However, it did open the eyes of the NHL commissioners and spark a series of equipment changes and safety overhauls. The date was March 22, 1989 and the Buffalo Sabers were taking on the St. Louis Blues. In the blink of an eye, St. Louis right winger Steve Tuttle broke loose with defender Uwe Krupp following close behind. As the Blues player blew by him, Krupp grabbed Tuttle, who then lost control as his feet left the ground. Standing in front of Tuttle’s flailing skates was the Saber’s goalie Clint Malarchuk. The image that unfolded was ghastly, heart wrenching, and would be burned into the minds of hockey fans for the rest of their lives.
Tuttle’s skate met Malarchuk’s throat mercilessly. The result was a gushing wound with blood spewing from his carotid artery. Malarchuk collapsed to the ground. The announcers stumbled to come up with words, three of his teammates vomited on the ice, and the scene induced heart attacks in two fans. It seemed like the end for Malarchuk, as everyone watched helplessly as he stumbled across the ice on hands and knees. Luckily, his trainer, a Vietnam veteran, ran onto the ice to pinch off Malarchuk’s artery and save his life. If it were not for the trainer, Malarchuk would have died in less than 3 minutes from loss of blood. In a post interview, Malarchuk added, “All I wanted to do was get off the ice. My mom was watching on TV, and I didn’t want her to see me die.” His determination and the help from the trainer is what saved is life.

Because of this accident, NHL officials sanctioned throat protectors to be worn by all NHL goalies. It was no longer the era of the “Jason mask”, but rather an era of putting an increased focus on safety . . . of the goalies. Similar incidents have happened to forwards and defensive men within the last decade. Bengt Åkerblom of Sweden died on the ice in 1995 from a laceration and earlier this year Panther’s forward Richard Zednik lost 5 units of blood as his artery was sliced. Although much could be done to increase the safety in hockey, not enough has been done to protect those “putting their necks out” besides the goalies.

NASCAR

Growing up in North Carolina, I would argue the death that had the most impact of any sport would be the passing of Dale Earnhardt during the 2001 Daytona 500 race. On the final lap of the race, Earnhardt was sideswiped and hit the wall head on at nearly 150 mph. The result was devastating as the “The Intimidator” lost his life on the track. The public was in shock, as we had just lost one of the all-time most influential figures ever in any sport. In what was known as the “Final Ride”, Earnhardt’s hauler made the long trip from Daytona back to Kanapolis, NC down I-85. Not one car dared to pass the hauler the entire trip, as traffic was reportedly backed up for 2 miles with all headlights on full beam.

The death of Earnhardt was not for granted, however. Shortly after his death NASCAR officials called for research to be completed on possible head restraints. Speedway physician Steve Bohannon stated that the cause of Earnhardt’s death was a faulty seatbelt, which caused his head to violently strike the steering wheel. Later that year, Nascar began mandating the use of the HANS device (Head and Neck Support Device), which has been saving lives since.
Like the Malarchuk accident, NASCAR officials realized that there was a danger that needed to be addressed and completed a safety overhaul before any more athletes were killed. Although the number 3 car will be missed sorely in the racing world, his death resulted in safer racing for future cars and drivers. These two examples show the proper response to accidents and the administration’s willingness to overhaul “tradition” for the safety of their athletes.

BASEBALL

When most people think about the dangers in baseball, the most common perception is the risk of getting hit in the head by a pitch. During the early days of the game, getting beamed in the head by a pitcher did cause a number of deaths in the sport. The commissioners responded by requiring batters wear helmets to reduce the chance of injury and death. However, a known but rarely addressed danger in the game has increasingly been brought to the spotlight in the realm of college baseball.

College baseball players are just as big, strong, and fast as the professionals. The only difference is the bats they swing. The collegiate athletes swing bats with sweet spots and recoil that could never be produced by their wooden components. In 2000 the NCAA authorized that the maximum ball speed for any ball leaving the bat was 97 mph, 1 mph slower than a wooden bat. This was done to address the dangers in pitchers getting lined by the batter following a pitch. But on July25, 2003 one game proved that this was not enough.

On this day, Brandon Patch was taking the mound in what would be his last game ever. During this game, his opponent was the much-anticipated cross county rivals, which boasted many D1 athletes or prospects. Brandon was just the average player on a team that would likely just end the season and their baseball careers. The opposing team featured Quinn LeSage, a 6’5’’ slugger that Brandon had managed to strike out earlier in the game. LeSage approached the plate and Patch gracefully began his windup. The pitch was delivered and all that was heard was a “ping” followed by a “thud”. Brandon collapsed back towards second place. He pulled himself into a sitting position and joked about how he “should have kept it down”. Soon after, Brandon collapsed and became unconscious. He would later die from swelling of the brain as a result from being hit on the temple.

This just goes to show that the athletes are growing stronger while the bats are growing more responsive. Everyone in attendance or saw the video of Brandon’s accident knew it was the speed and force of the ball coming off LeSage’s bat that resulted in his death. The NCAA and other baseball leagues have done nothing to address the dangers in aluminum bats other than making the “maximum” speed. With an enormous sweet spot and growing strength, today’s batters have much better chances of crushing the ball, in some cases at the pitcher’s head. This recently happened to Notre Dame pitcher Wade Korpi as he took a 100 mph line drive off his head. Yes, the gun clocked the ball at 100 mph as it came off the bat . . . not the “maximum” 97 mph.

Wade was hospitalized by made a full recovery. The same cannot be said about Brandon Patch. His mother and father remain in the fight to outlaw the use of aluminum bats. Unlike the Malarchuk and Earnhardt incidents, the baseball officials have been reluctant to address this safety issue and properly form a solution to increase safety for the throwers.

FOOTBALL

When it comes to playing a sport and head on collisions, nothing is as dangerous as a 250 lb beast with a 4.45 40 time running at you at full speed.  According to The National Center for Catastrophic Sports Injury, 325 men and boys have died either directly or indirectly from playing football at the high school and college level between 1982-2008 (26 years). Direct injuries are defined as those fatalities which resulted directly from participation in the fundamental skills of football (such as tackling and blocking). Indirect injuries are those injuries that are caused by systemic failure as a result of exertion while participating in football activity or by a complication which was secondary to a nonfatal injury (such as heart failure and heat stroke)

A few examples:

Chuck Hugues, a wide receiver with the Detroit Lions, died of a heart attack during a game against the Chicago Bears on Octiber 24th, 1971.

James Victor Cain, a tight end for the St. Louis Cardinals, died of congenital heart failure during training camp in 1979

More recently, Korey Stringer, offensive lineman for the Minnesota Vikings died during training camp after his core temperature rose to 108 Degrees!! Dying within 24 hours of severe heatstroke

Proffesional Wrestling

One does not have to look far in the history of professional wrestling to find tragedies and death. The life of a professional wrestler, despite all the showmanship, leaves the wrestler tired, hurting and in need of rest they will never get. The wrestling season is all year, with Monday Night Raw being the longest lasting weekly show on cable, with wrestlers being on the road 300 days a year. The culture and the leaders of professional wrestling turned a dangerously blind eye to the use of illicit drugs in the sport which made drugs commonplace and early death likely. Linda McMahon, however, is currently facing the music in her campaign for a Senate seat from Connecticut as former wrestlers blast her work with the WWE and their treatment of the wrestlers.

A few examples:

Eddie Guererro- Died in 2005 at the age of 38 of acute heart failure. Guererro throughout his career had suffered from alcoholism and an addiction to painkillers which was caused by the grueling WWE schedule. He also has been mentioned in steroid allegations by SI dating back to the early 2000s, before the WWE began testing wrestlers for steroids

Umaga- Died in 2009 at the age of 36 from an overdose of muscle relaxers, painkillers, and tranquilizers. All of which he picked up during his career as a wrestler.

Chris Benoit-  Maybe the most tragic instance of any sport was the double murder-suicide that Chris Benoit committed in 2007. Chris, his wife Nancy, and their son were all found dead in their house with Chris hanging from a weight machine, and the other two murdered. The reports say that Chris and his wife Nancy were heavily under the influence of drugs and Chris had drugged his son before strangling him. Further studies after Benoit’s death revealed that his brain had been so heavily beat up by years of wrestling, that it resemble the brain of an 85 year old Alzheimer’s sufferer.

Mike Cameron:

In a recent interview, the Brewers’ Mike Cameron admitted to hitting the field while drunk during his time with the Mariners. He stated:

“Sh-t, I’ve played drunk.”
When?
“New York City.”

But he had no shame, because according to sources he batted his best game against the New York Yankees that day. (http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/NYA/NYA200108190.shtml). He amazingly went 4-4 from the plate, with 2 homeruns, and 8 RBIs. It’s only fitting that he ended up with the Brewers. While most men find difficulty hitting the urinal while at the bar, Mike found ease in making contact with a 90 mph fastball.

Sure batting perfect from the plate while drunk is amazing, but what about throwing from the mound?

David Wells:

He pitched a perfect game in 1998 against the Twins, but he only admitted to being “half drunk” in his book “Perfect I’m Not! Boomer on Beer, Brawls, Backaches & Baseball”. I’m not going to bore anyone with the circumstance surrounding this event, but no one got on base. And he was half sober. The end. There was nothing special about that since he could see the plate.

Our next player, however, experienced the Harold and Kumar of MLB experiences. While tripping on LSD, this Pittsburg Pirates pitcher threw a no hitter. Yes, he was fully engulfed in the side effects of LSD when he hurled the no hitter.

Wade Boggs:

There are some players that get drunk before one or two games. Then there was Wade Boggs. The man’s career reeked of day old Budweiser and stale corn chips. This was the type of man that could clear a frat house of all beers, literally. In what has been deemed by many as an urban legend, reports have surfaced about Wade drinking over 60 beers in the span of a 7-hour flight.

While I would like to believe Boggs is not lying, I can’t. Drinking 64 beers on a cross-country flight is something that should go in the record books, not denied. Even if the slightest rumor revealed I completed such a fete, you had better believe I would admit to the achievement. His former teammate Jeff Nelson contested to Wade’s addictive personality, stating in an interview that:

“Wade was the kind of guy who was always the first one at the club house […] and he’d bring a six pack with him. He’d be there drinking a beer when someone showed up, and as we were all packing our stuff up out of our lockers and getting our bags ready for the trip, Wade would sit there and drink that whole six pack.”

And when asked about the legendary 64 beer performance, he added:

“I’ve never seen anyone drink as much beer as [Boggs] did in my life…I’d say, on a typical road trip, east coast to west coast, say a road game to Seattle……Wade would drink anywhere between 50 and 60 beers…I know how crazy that sounds, and I wouldn’t believe it myself unless I saw him do it…..numerous times. And he drank nothing but Miller Lite.”

Why should we believe Nelson over Wade? Because if a man decides to drink 64 beers in 6 hours, he will either die or lose count after the 27th can. Boggs should have no shame in being a human brewery, it’s something lots of men dream of accomplishing. Oh yeah, being a MLB star is a great perk too.

Doc Ellis and the No Hitter

While our three previous major leaguers were throwing back the booze, this man wasn’t joking around. The year was 1970 and Doc Ellis was at the peak of his career. Assuming that he had the day off, Ellis ingenuously took LSD while with some friends at noon. He explains that:

“I was in Los Angeles, and the team was playing in San Diego, but I didn’t know it. I had taken LSD… I thought it was an off day, that’s how come I had it in me. I took the LSD at noon. At 1pm, his girlfriend and trip partner looked at the paper and said, “Dock, you’re pitching today!”

In a hurry, Ellis took a direct flight to San Diego for a little less than $10. The game started at 6 that night. He arrived to the stadium at 4:30 and proceeded to prepare himself for the start. I can only imagine the chaos going through his head.

“I can only remember bits and pieces of the game. I was psyched. I had a feeling of euphoria.”

If only he would have known the glory that awaited him later that night. Under circumstances that would have left most of us wondering the town in search of Twinkies and things that feel fuzzy to the touch, Ellis attempted to pitch in a regular season MLB game.

“I was zeroed in on the (catcher’s) glove, but I didn’t hit the glove too much. I remember hitting a couple of batters and the bases were loaded two or three times.”

But that never stopped Ellis, he persevered, although scary at times. He summed it all up by asserting that the occurrence really freaked him the Hell out:

“The ball was small sometimes, the ball was large sometimes, sometimes I saw the catcher, and sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I tried to stare the hitter down and throw while I was looking at him. I chewed my gum until it turned to powder. They say I had about three to four fielding chances. I remember diving out of the way of a ball I thought was a line drive. I jumped, but the ball wasn’t hit hard and never reached me.”

One thing is for certain, the MLB will never admit to Ellis’ triumphs on the field. Forget watching Chipper bat above 0.450, or the Bonds breaking the HR record, I would have paid good money to see a pitcher tripping on acid, diving out of the way of a bunt that didn’t even reach the mound. That’s the kind of humor you see in Harold and Kumar movies, not in the MLB. Perhaps Bonds and the rest of the human dumptrucks in the MLB have been trying the wrong drug this whole time. Under the effects of perfomance DEhancing drugs, these men excelled in their efforts. While the regular man boasts about being better at beer pong after 14 beers, these guys can brag about throwing no-hitters in an MLB game . . . or playing their entire lives drunk. With the exception of John Daly, you just don’t see these results in any other sport. Baseball: America’s sport.

Here is my list of the top 5 college players that I want on my NBA team next year:

1. John Wall, Fr-PG- Kentucky– Wall’s mix of size, speed, athletic ability, and sheer basketball talent put him at the top of the list. But he also has shown the ability to lead a team and make everyone around him better. Wall will be the number one pick and surely is on a fast track to NBA rookie of the year.
2. Al-Farouq Aminu- Soph-SF- Wake Forest– Last year was a trial by fire for Aminu as he was surrounded by NBA talent and NBA attitudes. That Wake team lost to Cleveland St. in the NCAA. Aminu saw this and now is leading the Demon Deacons this year and has shown his versatility which the NBA craves.
3. Derrick Favors- Fr-PF- Georgia Tech– New to the NCAA scene, Favors is already showing the skills that made him a top 5 recruit. His frame and potential make him a coveted NBA prospect. Think Blake Griffin his freshman year, only with a better jump shot
4. Xavier Henry- Fr- SG- Kansas– Joining a strong Kansas squad, Henry has immediately made a name for himself and the NBA is watching. His smooth game with a strong jump shot and superior athleticism make him a perfect NBA two guard.
5. Dexter Pittman- Sr- C- Texas–Although not a hyped as the other four, Pittman has shown a strong work ethics, he lost 100 lbs since he came to Austin. His strength and athleticism makes him an appealing center prospect and at 6′1” 290lbs, he has a frame to compete with the best in the NBA

2. You have absolutely ZERO depth perception:

3. You think the trampoline is a great place to dunk from:

4. You had to enlist in the military instead of the NBA . . . and still can’t dunk:

5. If you think Sir Isaac Newton’s laws do not apply to chairs and dunking off of them:

6. The high school asked you to be the mascot instead of the center:

7. They ask you to put on a Scream mask before attempting a dunk:

8. You’re fat, dunking depends on your life, and there’s only a bucket:

9. See (5) and apply to shopping carts:

10. You’re a nerd and you have a dunk called “the Spidey” involving wall climbing:

11. If your friends convince you to jump off their backs . . . from 10 ft out:

12. You don’t believe in the slippery powers of freaking ICE:

Hansbrough is expected to miss up to 2 months with a shin injury that has been lingering since his senior year at UNC.

“Hansbrough No Feel Injury…Doctor Tell Me”
- Tyler Hansbrough

YouSayToo – Promote Blog

Hansbrough: Tyler like NASCAR. Tyler get bored putting ball through hoop. I ugh, Tyler decided he goes to NASCAR race this weekend. Crowd thinks Tyler waved green flag. Tyler held back 30,000 HP of cars with his hand . . . then said “GO”.

ESPN: So you held back 20+ cars . . . then said “GO”?

Hansbrough: Tyler put ball in hoop.

ESPN: Yes, we know you’ve averaged 20 points, 9 rebounds in the summer leagues. But this is about your weekend at the races. I hear Junior happens to be your favorite . . . where were you when “The Crash” happened?

Hansbrough: Tyler wrecks lanes.

ESPN: No, the crash of Dale Sr . . .  one of the most notable events in NC history. Not basketball lanes. 

Hansbrough: *Blank stare*

ESPN: Have you ever been to a NASCAR race Tyler?

Hanbrough: Tyler go one time . . . . 

ESPN: And how was it?

Hansbrough: *Blank stare as he recalls above memory* . . . Tyler not allowed back. 

ESPN: Well can you explain to us what happened?

Hansbrough: Box out. BOX OUT! TYLER BOXED OUT IN LANE. Bodies everywhere.

ESPN: That sounds . . . like a bad memory. Is there anything else you’re thinking about at this moment?

Hansbrough: Ever heard of the Tyler-Bow?

You heartless bastard. 

Unlike 99.8% of male bloggers in this country of fast food, questionable morals, and worthless celebrities I’ve actually had the pleasure of meeting Erin Andrews . . . in person. While trying to file 6,000 UNC seniors into the Dean E. Smith center during the 2008 UNC vs. Duke basketball game, several people from the Carolina Athletic Association were questioned about our responsibilities and duties regarding the game. She was nice, sincere, and completely devoted to her job despite the thousands of googley eyes fixated on her  undoubtably perfect ass . . . which she would probably contribute to her dream of becoming the Erin Andrews we know and love anyways. 

Compare this to the attitude of Jenn Sterger (who maybe a handful of men recognized as the Florida State cowgirl) and Dick Vitale (who somehow found a way to ejaculate in the middle of 28 scantily dressed men) and you can understand why we instantly fell in love with America’s sideline princess.  It’s a win for both sides that ESPN gives us such a creation during sporting events. But some fuckhole with a high-tech has ruined that for all of us.

I hope you get crabs and your arms are lopped off in a freak roller coaster accident, you worthless piece of shit. 

The difference between Erin Andrews and the 50,000 Lindsay Lohan crotch-shots that surface on a weekly basis is the integrity and morality in the life they live. Andrews is on the road on a daily basis. Traveling from sporting event to ESPN awards shows, it’s hard to believe that Erin has the time to live the life of a bona-fide celebrity. On top of all this travel, she also has to keep up with the daily sporting news and events that may have the slightest impact on her fantasy football teams. Lohan, however, lives a life of luxury despite her last source of income being a film about a fucking Volkswagon Beetle. 

Your freckles ruined your crotch-shots, Ginger.

If anyone deserves to have their nude photos plastered across the internet in an escalating fashion it’s those celebrities that wear the 3 inch skirt without panties. The Hollywood trash that thrives off daddy’s money and pays MTV to create a reality show to search for their new best friends. The same people that believe a degree is worth shittles as long as they have a pretty smile and men will pay to see their sex video. Erin Andrews, however, has a degree from the University of Florida. The same institution where a quarterback with no medial background can circumcise young boys, and a downs syndrome patient can become an NBA lottery pick.

How the fuck did this anomaly come from Miss Sweden?

The point is that Erin Andrews is educated, appreciated, and before the Bobby Frasor sex scandal, everyone had viewed her crotch as a figment of their imagination. Was it clean? Landing strip? Or something completely new and awesome we had never seen before on her downstairs canvas? While millions of men fantasized about a nude video, we all knew that she was so devoted to her job and reputation in the sports world that that day would never come.

Now her Google reputation is ruined.  

When more people are searching for a video that was illegally taken of you in a hotel room than your work as a sportscaster, it’s going to be a while before your bare ass is out of the limelight. Search results for the “Erin Andrews Peephole Video” and “Erin Andrews Peephole Pictures” have exploded throughout the interwebs. With well over 250,000 results for each term, it’s not very difficult for any devout computer enthusiast to find the illicit video. But unaware to many people, there’s a hidden scam out there that’s protecting the integrity of our beloved Sideline Princess.

There’s no condom for your Google query. 

Searching for the “Erin Andrews Peephole” incident has become as risky as having unprotected, homeless, obese recovering heroin addict in Grand Central. You never know what you might catch, she’ll probably leave you shamed, and there’s always the chance a sex tape might go viral. These Erin Andrews video “STD’s” are the only thing protecting the integrity of Andrews at this moment. ESPN has understandably refused to report on the incident (other than verifying it was Erin) and sites such as TMZ  have taken a neutral stance, but have surprisingly refused to put the video up. While refusing to post the video is a great and noble cause to help prevent the spread of the video, it’s the spammers attaching trojan horses to potential videos that are doing the real job. As soon as Americans realize that nearly all of that downloading these videos is a game of Andrews-Roulette, perhaps the storm will pass for Sideline Princess. For once in the internet’s history, hat’s off to the spammers.

And here’s to every sports fan out there that still fantasized about what Sideline Princess looks like nude.  

I have taken the time to edit the real conversation for those of us that didn’t have a chance to read it.

Q: What is your favorite passing route?

A: I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite pass route, but you know what’s nice? When you can hit a guy in stride on a bomb, 50 yards, he doesn’t stop, and he scores with it. That’s nice. … The best is when you see a guy beat a guy, and the guy is trying to catch up, and you hit him in stride. There’s nothing prettier than that. You know what else is pretty? Greg Paulus. That mother fucker came in here trying to take my job after never touching the field for FOUR, count them . . . FOUR fucking years. He even had K lobbying for his sorry ass. If I spent as much time on the floor as Greg Paulus . . . you’d have to wipe me up with a shamwow. Bad analogy. That shamwow guy beat a stripper right? Shit. That doesn’t go over well in Durham. 

Q: What would it mean to you to help lead this team to a bowl game?

A: It would mean everything. But it just wouldn’t be enough to just get there. If I get there, I want to win it. It would mean so much because when I was recruited I was told we weren’t very good and I was told I was part of a change. … It’s only eight seniors that will be able to play this season. For us eight to be remembered as the eight that led this football team to a bowl game … would be tremendous. It’s not how you came in, but how you leave a place. … It would be big. But shit, half the bowl’s that we would be invited to would leave us in debt anyways. Know how much the Papajohn.com bowl payed out? Yeah, $350 K. The Wolfpack weren’t the only team leaving in the red by just GOING to that bowl. Their asses were red too. Because they got spanked. So was their bank account, which is what I was alluding to anyways. 

Q: What would you say you learned about yourself since your enrollment at Duke?

A: I can do anything. I can do anything I put my mind to. … A lot of people don’t know that my freshman year, halfway through the semester, I was failing. Thought I was going to fail out of Duke. Picked it up, and I finished with a 2.5 [G.P.A] that semester. The next three semesters I went 3.4. … I look at it now that I’m about to get a degree in December from Duke University. That’s big.

Coming out of Opa-Locka I didn’t think about getting in Duke, didn’t really know much about the academic standards, what the degree is worth. Now I’m in that elite company with a [degree]. … I didn’t just come to college to play football. I was able to manage both. If I can do it, anybody could do it. Sheldon Williams did it, and look where he’s at in life. He married a hot-ass giant WNBA all-sat . . . has a kid . . . ALL while everyone thought he was retarded. We both majored in sociology. It’s the geography of Duke University. Michael Jordan was a geography major . . . and look how rich he became! To us athletes, our degrees mean all the shit in the world. You’re my sociological hero, Sheldon Williams. Shit yeah.

Like so many other Tar Heels I am sure that the most asked question we hear is: “why don’t you like (or hate or can’t stand or whatever else you want to insert here) Duke?”. Some of the answers are: Coach K, or Henderthug err Henderson, or the flopping that most players that call Cameron Indoor Stadium home do so frequently, or the smirks/tudes that so many Blue Devils have, or (one of my favorites) Wojo, or JJ or the Cameron Crazies. For me the answer is different, I don’t like the arch rival because I do one simple thing: read. Yes, I get up in the morning and after checking out what the sites with a touch of carolina blue are saying I then go and check what the teams UNC has a rivalry with are saying (I guess an online version of keeping my friends close and my enemies closer). While I was surfing today I found this little jewel, that I have to link because I am going to quote from it, but I’m definitely not linking because I think they are owed any traffic.