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Monday, July 27th, 2009How the Erin Andrews Peephole Video “STD” is Protecting our Sideline Princess
Tuesday, July 21st, 2009To the sick, pathetic little fuck that decided to defile America’s sideline princess in intimate moments in the privacy of her own hotel room: I hope you burn in a hell where there are no sports and the only women that will give you the time of day will have a penis. Or maybe two.
You heartless bastard.
Unlike 99.8% of male bloggers in this country of fast food, questionable morals, and worthless celebrities I’ve actually had the pleasure of meeting Erin Andrews . . . in person. While trying to file 6,000 UNC seniors into the Dean E. Smith center during the 2008 UNC vs. Duke basketball game, several people from the Carolina Athletic Association were questioned about our responsibilities and duties regarding the game. She was nice, sincere, and completely devoted to her job despite the thousands of googley eyes fixated on her undoubtably perfect ass . . . which she would probably contribute to her dream of becoming the Erin Andrews we know and love anyways.
Compare this to the attitude of Jenn Sterger (who maybe a handful of men recognized as the Florida State cowgirl) and Dick Vitale (who somehow found a way to ejaculate in the middle of 28 scantily dressed men) and you can understand why we instantly fell in love with America’s sideline princess. It’s a win for both sides that ESPN gives us such a creation during sporting events. But some fuckhole with a high-tech has ruined that for all of us.
I hope you get crabs and your arms are lopped off in a freak roller coaster accident, you worthless piece of shit.
The difference between Erin Andrews and the 50,000 Lindsay Lohan crotch-shots that surface on a weekly basis is the integrity and morality in the life they live. Andrews is on the road on a daily basis. Traveling from sporting event to ESPN awards shows, it’s hard to believe that Erin has the time to live the life of a bona-fide celebrity. On top of all this travel, she also has to keep up with the daily sporting news and events that may have the slightest impact on her fantasy football teams. Lohan, however, lives a life of luxury despite her last source of income being a film about a fucking Volkswagon Beetle.
Your freckles ruined your crotch-shots, Ginger.
If anyone deserves to have their nude photos plastered across the internet in an escalating fashion it’s those celebrities that wear the 3 inch skirt without panties. The Hollywood trash that thrives off daddy’s money and pays MTV to create a reality show to search for their new best friends. The same people that believe a degree is worth shittles as long as they have a pretty smile and men will pay to see their sex video. Erin Andrews, however, has a degree from the University of Florida. The same institution where a quarterback with no medial background can circumcise young boys, and a downs syndrome patient can become an NBA lottery pick.
How the fuck did this anomaly come from Miss Sweden?
The point is that Erin Andrews is educated, appreciated, and before the Bobby Frasor sex scandal, everyone had viewed her crotch as a figment of their imagination. Was it clean? Landing strip? Or something completely new and awesome we had never seen before on her downstairs canvas? While millions of men fantasized about a nude video, we all knew that she was so devoted to her job and reputation in the sports world that that day would never come.
Now her Google reputation is ruined.
When more people are searching for a video that was illegally taken of you in a hotel room than your work as a sportscaster, it’s going to be a while before your bare ass is out of the limelight. Search results for the “Erin Andrews Peephole Video” and “Erin Andrews Peephole Pictures” have exploded throughout the interwebs. With well over 250,000 results for each term, it’s not very difficult for any devout computer enthusiast to find the illicit video. But unaware to many people, there’s a hidden scam out there that’s protecting the integrity of our beloved Sideline Princess.
There’s no condom for your Google query.
Searching for the “Erin Andrews Peephole” incident has become as risky as having unprotected, homeless, obese recovering heroin addict in Grand Central. You never know what you might catch, she’ll probably leave you shamed, and there’s always the chance a sex tape might go viral. These Erin Andrews video “STD’s” are the only thing protecting the integrity of Andrews at this moment. ESPN has understandably refused to report on the incident (other than verifying it was Erin) and sites such as TMZ have taken a neutral stance, but have surprisingly refused to put the video up. While refusing to post the video is a great and noble cause to help prevent the spread of the video, it’s the spammers attaching trojan horses to potential videos that are doing the real job. As soon as Americans realize that nearly all of that downloading these videos is a game of Andrews-Roulette, perhaps the storm will pass for Sideline Princess. For once in the internet’s history, hat’s off to the spammers.
And here’s to every sports fan out there that still fantasized about what Sideline Princess looks like nude.
Duke Quarterback Lewis Ready for S.O.S
Thursday, July 16th, 2009On Wednesday, the Raleigh NewsandObserver had a chance to sit down with North Carolina’s least successful quarterback to talk a little futboooool. While I give him props for being a Duke football player whose name I actually remember (and therefore give-a-shit about), it still seams this question/answer shitfest was as premeditated as a Coach K press conference after a UNC loss. “They shot well. They ran the court. They are bigger than us. Tyler Hansbrough. The shots didn’t fall. Remember when I coached Kobe Bryant?”
I have taken the time to edit the real conversation for those of us that didn’t have a chance to read it.
Q: What is your favorite passing route?
A: I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite pass route, but you know what’s nice? When you can hit a guy in stride on a bomb, 50 yards, he doesn’t stop, and he scores with it. That’s nice. … The best is when you see a guy beat a guy, and the guy is trying to catch up, and you hit him in stride. There’s nothing prettier than that. You know what else is pretty? Greg Paulus. That mother fucker came in here trying to take my job after never touching the field for FOUR, count them . . . FOUR fucking years. He even had K lobbying for his sorry ass. If I spent as much time on the floor as Greg Paulus . . . you’d have to wipe me up with a shamwow. Bad analogy. That shamwow guy beat a stripper right? Shit. That doesn’t go over well in Durham.
Q: What would it mean to you to help lead this team to a bowl game?
A: It would mean everything. But it just wouldn’t be enough to just get there. If I get there, I want to win it. It would mean so much because when I was recruited I was told we weren’t very good and I was told I was part of a change. … It’s only eight seniors that will be able to play this season. For us eight to be remembered as the eight that led this football team to a bowl game … would be tremendous. It’s not how you came in, but how you leave a place. … It would be big. But shit, half the bowl’s that we would be invited to would leave us in debt anyways. Know how much the Papajohn.com bowl payed out? Yeah, $350 K. The Wolfpack weren’t the only team leaving in the red by just GOING to that bowl. Their asses were red too. Because they got spanked. So was their bank account, which is what I was alluding to anyways.
Q: What would you say you learned about yourself since your enrollment at Duke?
A: I can do anything. I can do anything I put my mind to. … A lot of people don’t know that my freshman year, halfway through the semester, I was failing. Thought I was going to fail out of Duke. Picked it up, and I finished with a 2.5 [G.P.A] that semester. The next three semesters I went 3.4. … I look at it now that I’m about to get a degree in December from Duke University. That’s big.
Coming out of Opa-Locka I didn’t think about getting in Duke, didn’t really know much about the academic standards, what the degree is worth. Now I’m in that elite company with a [degree]. … I didn’t just come to college to play football. I was able to manage both. If I can do it, anybody could do it. Sheldon Williams did it, and look where he’s at in life. He married a hot-ass giant WNBA all-sat . . . has a kid . . . ALL while everyone thought he was retarded. We both majored in sociology. It’s the geography of Duke University. Michael Jordan was a geography major . . . and look how rich he became! To us athletes, our degrees mean all the shit in the world. You’re my sociological hero, Sheldon Williams. Shit yeah.
Want A Reason to Not Like Duke? Just Read This:
Thursday, June 11th, 2009There has been a family emergency for the past week that has taken up our time, so please forgive us for failure to update. However, this UNC blog has done a great job dissecting the hate for Duke:
Like so many other Tar Heels I am sure that the most asked question we hear is: “why don’t you like (or hate or can’t stand or whatever else you want to insert here) Duke?”. Some of the answers are: Coach K, or Henderthug err Henderson, or the flopping that most players that call Cameron Indoor Stadium home do so frequently, or the smirks/tudes that so many Blue Devils have, or (one of my favorites) Wojo, or JJ or the Cameron Crazies. For me the answer is different, I don’t like the arch rival because I do one simple thing: read. Yes, I get up in the morning and after checking out what the sites with a touch of carolina blue are saying I then go and check what the teams UNC has a rivalry with are saying (I guess an online version of keeping my friends close and my enemies closer). While I was surfing today I found this little jewel, that I have to link because I am going to quote from it, but I’m definitely not linking because I think they are owed any traffic.
NC State Sports Editor Rips Athletic Department New Asshole
Monday, April 27th, 2009
Taylor Auten will likely never be allowed back on campus at North Carolina State University . . . but at least he’ll be opened with open arms at Duke. The Technician’s senior sports editor absolutely ripped the NCSU athletics department apart, but was justified in every word. As a graduate of UNC, I will never understand what it is like to have 3 out of 4 losing football seasons . . . going to the NCAA tourney once . . . or having a program out to extinguish all student traditions, but I feel for this guy. Good luck at Duke law and don’t fall into the traps of Coach K.
Here’s a little excerpt from his article:
Lee Fowler: you should almost consider extending free student tickets to everyone who is graduating in 2009 for at least another year or two. We have simply not gotten our money’s worth in the past four years, having suffered through one of the worst eras of N.C. State Athletics in memory. One winning football season, one trip the men’s basketball NCAA tournament and widespread mediocrity in most of the non-revenue sports has left me feeling cheated of some element of my college experience.
Coaches: if you are looking for success, please follow volleyball coach Charita Stubbs’ three step plan for establishing a winning program and building fan support.
1. Demonstrate unflinching excellence on the court. In three years with the Wolfpack, Stubbs has accumulated a 3-61 record in the ACC and a 14-84 record overall.
2. Respond to criticism in a professional, mature manner. On Oct. 14, Technician ran an editorial cartoon complimenting Stubbs’ first ACC wins in a backhanded manner. Stubbs, a black woman, felt the cartoon was directed at her race rather than her performance as a coach.
Stubbs responded to the Oct. 14 piece by refusing to comment to Technician reporters, demanding a front page apology and talking to seemingly everyone about the cartoon except the Technician staff. Repeated invitations to Stubbs to come to our office and discuss the issue in an open forum were left unanswered, and what could have been a learning experience for everyone involved developed into a bitter standoff.
Personally, I don’t think there was anything racist about the cartoon, but I will invite anyone interested to make up their own mind. Search “stubbs cartoon” on Technician’s Web site and see for yourself.
3. Create strong student and fan support by alienating the student newspaper. Stubbs understands that the best way to put out the word about her blossoming volleyball program is to refuse to talk to the only media outlet that will ever regularly cover N.C. State volleyball. She has not allowed any interviews with Technician reporters since the cartoon ran Oct. 14 (She has also not won any matches since that date.)