Athletes in real life can be quite entertaining. From the off field antics of the lovable Chad “Childplease-Johnson-Ochocinco-Hachigo” to the misfortunes of Tiger Woods, these athletes often find themselves prey of the paparazzi if they slip up. Unfortunately for us sports lovers the majority of professional athletes have been censored by huge PR firms and agents, leaving us to only guess what they are thinking in real life. The next best thing to knowing every true thought of our favorite professional athlete is following their fake Twitter accounts. These accounts not only give us a humorous side to the sports star, but they are also carefully planned out as to their accuracy. If you do not believe what I am saying, just check into several of these athletes. These are the 15 fake Twitter accounts that every sports fan should be following. While they may not be an accurate representation of the athlete, they sure are pretty damn funny.
8. Fauxjohnmadden
The best things John Madden has brought to professional football is his football game and the approval of “The Annexation of Puerto Rico” in the movie Little Giants. Other than that this husky, boisterous sports personality is more annoying than insightful. However, his twitter account is absolutely ingenious.
7. Notjakedelhomme
Jake Delhomme has been the poster-boy for the Carolina Panthers organization for nearly a decade now. While he has led the Panthers to several playoff appearances and even a Super Bowl, he is still a f*ck up in every sense. While other QB’s boast large endorsements from national brands and chains, this Rajun’ Cajun’ is the spokesman for Bojangles. Even if we could understand a word he was saying, chances are it wouldn’t be as clever as this Twitter account.
6. Fakebrett
I tell ye what ye dere hushpuppy Brett Furrr likes to wear dem Wrangla’ jeans while playin’ for da Vikins’ yeeeeee. Brett Farve is easily the most hated, attention seeking quarterback in the National Football League. If we could understand half the crap that came out of his mouth, he might make for a more interesting quarterback. However, we’ll just have to settle for the antic of Fakebrett.
5. Fakefatjamarcus
Jamarcus Russell is a fat ass, a terrible quarterback, yet a great personality. Sure he may be riding the bench in Oakland, but that simply gives him more time to tweet on the sidelines. Also note he was caught 2 weeks ago with a bag of Skittles in his game pants.
4. Notkurtwarner
As Kurt Warner gets older, he only becomes closer to God. As he becomes closer to God, he will only become a better father, quarterback, and religious nutcase. Sure, his wife Brenda may be most notoriously known for her mother-like appearance while he was with the Rams, but they’re a good family. This also makes for some GREAT tweeting.
3. FauxTigerWoods
In the past month, Tiger has royally screwed up his personal and professional life in a major way. He might have given up a life with a smoking hot Swedish supermodel and his golden boy image, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make fun of him for doing it. While backing out of the driveway might be the only way I can ever outdrive Tiger, this account give me comfort and solace in the fact that even the best go down.
2. FakeTomBrady
Tom Brady might be one of the NFL’s pretty boys, but he has his faults. From the knocking up a chick prior to putting the ring on Giselle to somehow becoming an injury factory every season, it’s easy to hate on Brady. Other than that, he’s also a great fantasy quarterback.
1. Notjaycutler
Cutlerfucker is a drunk. He’s also a party boy, horrible quarterback, fat ass, cocky, guido-esque and can somehow still pull the ladies. I don’t have to say much for this account, it’s simply the best of the best.
Ben was rich and famous. He was also a quarterback.
One day, Big Ben stayed at Andrea’s hotel. His TV broke while he was waxing off to old reruns of Saved by the Bell.
But Saved by the Bell had ended. Big Ben wanted sexy time. His 6′5” fat ass blocked the doorway. Andrea said:
But Big Ben’s a NFL quarterback. Everyone wants a piece of his manly-motorcycle-surviving lard-ass. He began the countdown to blastoff. Andrea pleaded:
Since Big Ben doesn’t like being on bottom . . . and women can’t get pregnant on top he begins to calculate a solution to the situation. The game-plan was a 6-in-and-out on three:
Big Ben, a man of his word, continued to have his way with Andrea. Like the true 6′5” version of Ron Jeremy he is:
At that moment, he rolled over and Ben turned on Sports Center. Andrea was crying in the bathroom. The highlights were of Kobe Bryant. In a panic and after realizing what he had done he exclaims:
Andrea, embarrassed, worried, and now depressed fled the room. The next day, she visited the security guard to tell him about the situation. He told her that a lot of girls would love to have been in her situation, even the hotel manager.
Without any hope, Andrea went to the police. She wants Big Ben to pay up:
The end.