Tiger Woods’s struggles continued this weekend at the Buick Open where he finished at 20-under par with a $918,000 paycheck to take home. He won the event but how impressive was he? He only won a Buick.

This win defines Woods’s career. Through all the ups and downs, media hype, and occasional success, Tiger has never made the upgrade past Buick. Buicks are known around the world as a car for mediocrity, and that is what Tiger Strives for. This year he has won 40% of the stroke play events and is that suppose to impress us as he leaves the tournament in a LeSabre. hy doesn’t Mercedes, Lexus, or even Honda sponsor you? Oh yeah you are a loser.

Tiger has won a mildly impressive 5.4 million dollars this year so far, and he still drives a Buick. Pathetic sellout

However, this video shows some surprising findings:

I point these facts out because today Tiger Woods personally sent a 32 page brochure to the International Olympics Committee in an effort to include golf in the 2016 summer games. Golf has only been held at the Olympics on 2 occasions, in 1900 and 1904 when it was dominated by the United States and a single Brits-man. The game has grown exponentially since the early 20th century, with an estimated 61.1 million players worldwide in 2003 . . . with over 50 million of them coming from the United States and Asia alone. Seven million are based in Europe, and the rest are in countries that can afford the development and upkeep of a golf course. In terms of viewership, CBS averages 12 million viewers that tune in to watch the final round of the Masters . . . which could possibly edge out a rain delayed Daytona 500 (16 million viewers) in several years. 

If it’s about fandom, I don’t know a group of supporters who believes their sport deserves a shot at the Olympics more than golf. If it’s about helping support the Olympic creed then you could possibly fit the sport into its contexts:

The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.

The “to take part in” part is sort of a stretch considering the financial restraints involved in the sport . . . 3 countries dominate 90% of its players . . . and its shining event is stomped by a rain soaked race in American ratings . . . but to golfer’s everywhere, there’s still hope! That is until they realize that baseball and softball was rejected from the 2016 games for carrying too much of an “American” influence . . . despite arguably being more economically feasible for every person regardless of race, wealth, or orientation, the sports are too dominated by the Eastern world to be considered for the games.

Tiger might be an important sports icon, but if the IOC accepts golf’s bid as an Olympic sport while accepting their ruling to dismantle baseball and softball, Jenny Finch herself should start cracking some skulls.

As it stands right now, the leading score is -8, with Padraig Harrington at -3, Greg Norman at -2, Phil Mickelson at +1 and Tiger at even par.  We all know as long as Tiger makes the cut he is going to win.  So with that foregone conclusion we now begin the even more exciting race to see who is going to be the closest loser behind Tiger.

We’ll start with Paddi Harrington: this guy has been the picture of humble, winning the last two majors, although Tiger was not there.  All he has heard since is, “Are you going to be able to win when Tiger gets back?”  He, of course, has given the PC answer which consists of something along the lines of how Tiger is really good, it will be good competition, yada yada yada.  This guy can’t wait to shut everyone up with a win because he’s not going to break character and tell everyone what he’s really thinking, “Everyone shut up about Tiger, I know he’s good and all, but I won the last two majors and I’m looking goooooood right now!”  Alas, it is not to be, he finishes 2 shots back.

Next we have Greg Norman, you old shark you.  This guy is just happy to be relevant again.  He has had his fair share of heartache at Augusta.  86′, 87′, and 96′ were just not his years (well, neither were any other years at Augusta).  After marrying Chris Evert, a pretty damn good tennis player, Norman is hoping that some of his wife’s championship talent will rub off on him this weekend.  On second thought maybe he should just carry the bag for her this weekend, hmmmmm.  The Shark finishes solid, only 5 strokes back.

Finally we come to good ole Phil.  Lefty finally got that monkey off his back a few years ago, winning his first major in 2004 and winning two more since.  But let us not forget the last time Phil stared down Tiger in a face-to-face matchup, a crushing meltdown at Torrey Pines and a quadruple bogey…. a quadruple bogey.  PGA pros don’t do that, twelve-year-olds with their dad’s hand-me-down clubs do that…. in the rain.  So let’s not sell Phil short this year, I think it would be appropriate and even entertaining to see a Jean Van de Velde like collapse from Mickelson this year.  Lefty sinks to the bottom of the leaderboard, finishes 15 strokes back.

Oh yeah, this is Natalie: