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<channel>
	<title>The Jock Itch &#187; NFL</title>
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	<link>http://thejockitch.com</link>
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		<title>Tebow Cements Himself As The Biggest D-Bag</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2010/08/tebow-cements-himself-as-the-biggest-d-bag/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2010/08/tebow-cements-himself-as-the-biggest-d-bag/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 09 Aug 2010 12:47:50 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Man No One Came To See</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[NFL]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fuckface]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tim Tebow]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=1104</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2010/08/09/sports/09fifthdown-TebowHair/09fifthdown-TebowHair-blogSpan.jpg" alt="" width="480" height="274" /></p>
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		<title>Brett Favre&#8230;Retires&#8230;.No&#8230;..Retires- That took two years</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2010/08/brett-favre-retires-no-retires-that-took-two-years/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2010/08/brett-favre-retires-no-retires-that-took-two-years/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 03 Aug 2010 17:00:41 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Man No One Came To See</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[NFL]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Brett Favre]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Vikings]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=1095</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[MANKATO &#8212; Brett Favre&#8217;s wavering nature makes it impossible to call anything official &#8212; even when it seems to be that way &#8212; but NFL sources said the quarterback began informing Vikings personnel late Monday night that he has decided to retire for a third time.
Favre&#8217;s agent, Bus Cook, did not immediately respond to text [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>MANKATO &#8212; Brett Favre&#8217;s wavering nature makes it impossible to call anything official &#8212; even when it seems to be that way &#8212; but NFL sources said the quarterback began informing Vikings personnel late Monday night that he has decided to retire for a third time.</p>
<p>Favre&#8217;s agent, Bus Cook, did not immediately respond to text messages.</p>
<p>Coach Brad Childress said he had no information to share at a press conference late this morning.</p>
<p>&#8220;I&#8217;m not a big hearsay person,&#8221; Childress said. &#8220;I&#8217;ve got to hear it from the horse&#8217;s mouth.&#8221;</p>
<p>Childress would not speculate on what would happen if Favre really doesn&#8217;t come back. &#8220;You know, those are all if-then hypotheses,&#8221; Childress said. &#8220;We&#8217;re day-to-day right here.&#8221;</p>
<p>At one point during the five-minute session with the media, which was broadcast by ESPN and KFAN, Childress said: &#8220;I feel like this is Watergate. Have I done something wrong?&#8221;</p>
<p>The Vikings&#8217; ownership group, in town for two days of meetings, huddled on the playing field with vice presidents Rob Brzezinski and Rick Spielman earlier in the morning.</p>
<p>&#8220;If he&#8217;s in we move forward,&#8221; Childress said. &#8220;If not, we&#8217;ve only been in camp for four days.&#8221;</p>
<p>Favre has been unwilling to commit to playing a 20th NFL season, in large part because he has felt his left ankle has not responded the way he hoped after undergoing surgery in late May. However, many assumed Favre was simply buying time, as he appeared to a year ago.</p>
<p>In that case, Favre told coach Brad Childress he was retiring days before training camp opened but then changed his mind on Aug. 18 and joined the Vikings after one preseason game.</p>
<p>Nonetheless, Favre&#8217;s decision will come as a shock to the many who fully expected he would join the team once the Mankato portion of training camp ended. There still will be many who won&#8217;t be convinced Favre will stay retired until he doesn&#8217;t play a full season.</p>
<p>Favre, who will turn 41 on Oct. 10, had one of the best seasons of his career in 2009, throwing for 4,202 yards (his best total since 1998), 33 touchdowns (his best total since 1997) and a career-low seven interceptions in 2009.</p>
<p>He led the Vikings to a 12-4 record, a second consecutive NFC title and the conference championship game. Favre signed a two-year, $25 million contract last summer that would have paid him $13 million this season</p>
<p>This was the third time Favre had undergone surgery on his left ankle. He also had procedures performed in 1995 and 2007 when he was with the Packers. He had spent recent weeks throwing to receivers at Oak Grove High School near his home in Hattiesburg, Miss., in what had become his annual attempt to get in shape.</p>
<p>But Favre had expressed doubt about how the ankle felt, just as he expressed concern about his physical well being a year ago after having surgery to repair a partially torn biceps in his throwing arm.</p>
<p>&#8220;After almost nine weeks, [the ankle is] not where I would like it to be, but I&#8217;m working at it,&#8221; Favre was quoted as saying last month. &#8220;Maybe it never gets to where I want it to be. Forty years old &#8230; three surgeries &#8230; that&#8217;s all you need to know.&#8221;</p>
<p>Childress, who many believed already knew that Favre was going to be back in 2010, had been careful to not set a deadline for the quarterback to make a decision, hoping that by giving him all the time he needed it would make the decision easier. Childress visited Favre twice this offseason at his home in Mississippi but never applied any pressure.</p>
<p>This means the Vikings starting quarterback &#8212; if Favre holds true to his word and doesn&#8217;t change his mind in a couple of weeks &#8212; likely will be Tarvaris Jackson.</p>
<p>Jackson has taken the majority of the reps with the first team in the opening six training camp practices and coach Brad Childress has made it clear that the fifth-year veteran out of Alabama State is his starter.</p>
<p>Sage Rosenfels and Joe Webb are the other two quarterbacks in camp. Jackson and Rosenfels began camp last season battling for the starting job before Favre arrived. Jackson did win the competition because he spent the entire season as the No. 2 quarterback behind Favre.</p>
<p>Jackson is 10-10 in his career as a starting and 10-9 in the regular season. Last year he saw action in eight games in relief of Favre and completed 14 of 21 passes for 201 yards with one touchdown.</p>
<p>Favre has waffled on retiring every summer since 2006. It led to an ugly parting with the Packers that got him traded from Green Bay to the Jets in 2008. After a so-so season in New York, he announced his retirement in early 2009 for the second time, then reconsidered and signed with the Vikings.</p>
<p>Favre is under contract for $13 million this season, but only if he plays.</p>
<p>Nearly everyone had assumed Favre would return and he did nothing to discourage that. He threw passes for a second straight summer with high school students in Hattiesburg, Miss., joked about playing until he&#8217;s 50 and said playing another year wouldn&#8217;t worsen his already-damaged ankle.</p>
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		<title>The Pussification Of The NFL and America&#8230;</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2010/07/the-pussification-of-the-nfl-and-america/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2010/07/the-pussification-of-the-nfl-and-america/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 28 Jul 2010 12:42:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Man No One Came To See</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[NFL]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dez Bryant]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hazing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=1090</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Hank Nuwer has written four books on hazing and spent more than three decades analyzing cases in which it has been taken to sometimes criminal and tragic extremes. He does not take lightly the current issue involving Dallas Cowboys rookieDez Bryant and his refusal to carry a veteran&#8217;s shoulder pads off the practice field.
&#8220;It&#8217;s non-criminal, but [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>Hank Nuwer</strong> has written four books on hazing and spent more than three decades analyzing cases in which it has been taken to sometimes criminal and tragic extremes. He does not take lightly the current issue involving Dallas Cowboys rookie<strong>Dez Bryant</strong> and <a href="http://content.usatoday.com/communities/thehuddle/post/2010/07/cowboys-dez-bryant-media-trying-to-pit-him-and-roy-williams-against-each-other/1">his refusal to carry a veteran&#8217;s shoulder pads off the practice field</a>.</p>
<p>&#8220;It&#8217;s non-criminal, but what you&#8217;re dealing with is the idea of humiliation,&#8221; says Nuwer, an associate professor of journalism at Franklin College in Indiana.</p>
<p>Nuwer has seen the opinions expressed by media members, including former coaches and players, that Bryant should simply have gone along with what they say is a routine rite of passage for NFL rookies. He doesn&#8217;t buy that.</p>
<p>&#8220;It&#8217;s wrong to humiliate people, and we&#8217;re in an age of sexting and harassment and so forth. To allow this kind of behavior among adults is wrong,&#8221; he says.</p>
<p>Cowboys coach <strong>Wade Phillips</strong> has said he will not tolerate hazing on his team. But Nuwer says professional athletes carry extra responsibility.</p>
<p>&#8220;They are role models form high school students who are being arrested … getting felony charges for hazing and who don&#8217;t know how to hold it within boundaries.&#8221;</p>
<p>In a posting on his blog on HankNuwer.com, Nuwer calls on the commissioners of the major pro sports leagues to institute policies defining and prohibiting hazing. <a href="http://www.hanknuwer.com/blog/?p=2134" target="_blank">He writes</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Call it entitlement. Call it what you will, commissioners, but you must call players on it. When it comes to passing the buck on hazing, no one passes it better than the likes of<strong>Bud Selig</strong>, <strong>Roger Goodell</strong> and <strong>David Stern</strong> &#8212; and their respective predecessors as commissioners.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>The NFL says such matters as whether rookies have to carry the shoulders pads of veteran is a &#8220;club matter,&#8221; up to the discretion of individual teams.</p>
<p>&#8220;None of this is an adult thing to do,&#8221; says Nuwer. &#8220;It is just another black mark on sports.&#8221;</p>
<p>Nuwer says the NCAA and the National Federation of State High School Associations have taken stands against hazing.</p>
<p>&#8220;We&#8217;re in an age of extremes, but we&#8217;re also in an age when players have gone through lecture after lecture at the high school and college level to say that you don&#8217;t have to put up with hazing,&#8221; he says. &#8220;And then you suddenly get into the NFL, and it&#8217;s &#8216;OK.&#8217; But it isn&#8217;t.&#8221;</p>
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		<title>Michael Vick called &#8217;selfish&#8217; by camp director</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2010/07/michael-vick-called-selfish-by-camp-director/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2010/07/michael-vick-called-selfish-by-camp-director/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 12 Jul 2010 11:49:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Man No One Came To See</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[NFL]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sucks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Vick]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=1057</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[According to his spokesman, probation officials kept Eagles quarterback Michael Vickfrom attending his own golf tournament in Georgia and a summer camp in North Carolina whose director called the QB &#8220;selfish.&#8221;
&#8220;They called early, like 2 o&#8217;clock (Sunday) morning, telling us he&#8217;s not coming,&#8221; said Cornelius Corprew, director of Camp Elite Sports&#8217; two-day football camp. &#8220;And then we couldn&#8217;t speak [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>According to his spokesman, probation officials kept Eagles quarterback <strong>Michael Vick</strong>from attending his own golf tournament in Georgia and a summer camp in North Carolina whose director called the QB &#8220;selfish.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;They called early, like 2 o&#8217;clock (Sunday) morning, telling us he&#8217;s not coming,&#8221; said <strong>Cornelius Corprew</strong>, director of Camp Elite Sports&#8217; two-day football camp. &#8220;And then we couldn&#8217;t speak to him. It was through one of his associates. We&#8217;re not crazy. No state agency is communicating at 2 o&#8217;clock in the morning that he&#8217;s not allowed to come. I think that was a selfish act.&#8221;</p>
<p>Corprew said Vick was paid half his $,4000 fee and that campers were promised photos and autographs.</p>
<p>&#8220;I&#8217;m upset because our camp is built on integrity and character and that&#8217;s what we teach to our kids,&#8221; Corprew said.</p>
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		<title>Jamarcus&#8230;.</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2010/07/jamarcus/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2010/07/jamarcus/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 06 Jul 2010 12:32:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Man No One Came To See</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[NFL]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jamarcus Russell]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Purple Drank]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=1046</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><object width="384" height="216" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" id="ESPN_VIDEO" data="http://espn.go.com/videohub/player/embed.swf" allowScriptAccess="always" allowNetworking="all"><param name="movie" value="http://espn.go.com/videohub/player/embed.swf" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"/><param name="wmode" value="opaque"/><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"/><param name="allowNetworking" value="all"/><param name="flashVars" value="id=5332554"/></object></p>
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		<title>Pacman Jon&#8230;.I mean Vince Young in Strip Club Fight</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2010/06/pacman-jon-i-mean-vince-young-in-strip-club-fight/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2010/06/pacman-jon-i-mean-vince-young-in-strip-club-fight/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 14 Jun 2010 13:09:16 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Man No One Came To See</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[NFL]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Unsportsmanlike Conduct]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Assault]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pacman Jones]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Strip Club]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Vince Young]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=1009</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Someone needs to tell these football players to stay the hell out of strip clubs


]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Someone needs to tell these football players to stay the hell out of strip clubs</p>
<p><object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" width="480" height="385" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ipeg6VzAE40&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" height="385" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ipeg6VzAE40&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></p>
<p><img id="OBMPR" style="position: absolute; top: 0pt; left: 0pt; z-index: 42;" src="http://www.prsitecheck.com/pagerank.php?url=http%3A//thejockitch.com/&amp;action=image" alt="" /></p>
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		<title>The 8 Most Intense Sports Intros of All Time</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2010/01/the-10-best-sports-intros-of-all-time/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2010/01/the-10-best-sports-intros-of-all-time/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 29 Jan 2010 20:48:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Serge Zwikker on the Break</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[EXtReME!!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Gamecocks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NASCAR]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NBA]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NCAA Football]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NFL]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NHL]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Olympics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=931</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Professional and collegiate athletics have become less about the performace and more about the show. And for the most part, many people that attend these sporting events are expecting just that, a show. Since the Cowboys have installed their 70 yard HD television, pregrame rituals have been taken to a new level. Here are the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Professional and collegiate athletics have become less about the performace and more about the show. And for the most part, many people that attend these sporting events are expecting just that, a show. Since the Cowboys have installed their 70 yard HD television, pregrame rituals have been taken to a new level. Here are the nation&#8217;s best sports intro videos.</p>
<h3>8. 2001 South Carolina Gamecocks</h3>
<p>When it comes to college football there are very few teams that have an intro as intense as the fighting Gamecocks. Clemson, eat your heart out. While running down a hill is cool and all, it just isn&#8217;t on the same caliber as your instate rivals.</p>
<p><object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/2uputt32Gdc&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2uputt32Gdc&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<h3>7. The 1996 Chicago Bulls</h3>
<p>This team was a dynasty during the game as well as before. The intro for the 1996 Chicago Bulls (or any of their 90s team for that matter) is something that will never be forgotten.</p>
<p><object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/SdCzixCxZEQ&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/SdCzixCxZEQ&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<h3>6. Let&#8217;s Get Ready to Ruuuumbleeeeeeeeee</h3>
<p>Probably the most iconic phrase in all of boxing . . . it even has its own video game on the Dreamcast.</p>
<p><object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/4RBeoPauVb0&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4RBeoPauVb0&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<h3>5. Alaska Nanook&#8217;s 2010 Intro</h3>
<p>Alaska is a weird place in itself. With the wilderness, darkness, and disconnection from the lower 48 states, there&#8217;s not a lot to get excited about in Alaska. However, the Nanook&#8217;s 2010 intro has taken hockey to a whole new level.</p>
<p><object width="560" height="340" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/K9cYcRotufU&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/K9cYcRotufU&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<h3>4. Boston Celtic&#8217;s Intro</h3>
<p>The Boston Celtic&#8217;s intro is to the 2000&#8217;s as the Bulls was to the 90&#8217;s. Classy, ahead of its time, as well as memorable, it&#8217;s something that we will be talking about into the next decade.</p>
<p><object width="560" height="340" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/iuvtPuzj5QI&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/iuvtPuzj5QI&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<h3>3. The 2008 Bejing Opening Ceremonies</h3>
<p>Since this is technically a sports intro, it had to be included. Some of the shit the Chinese pulled off in the 2008 Bejing opening ceremonies was absolutely, utterly, and insanely ridiculous.</p>
<p><object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/oK9_-CCt29A&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/oK9_-CCt29A&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<h3>2. Stone Cold Steve Austin Intro</h3>
<p>If there were ever a master to any intro, it would be Stone Cold Steve Austin. If you&#8217;re a man and have never wanted to enter a room like a WWE professional wrestler, then you&#8217;re lying to yourself.</p>
<p><object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/9t4QoVgJ3KY&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9t4QoVgJ3KY&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<h3>1. 2009 Alaska Nanooks Intro</h3>
<p>No comment needed. The 2010 video couldn&#8217;t even compare to this one.</p>
<p><object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/O5YjPteCPLo&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/O5YjPteCPLo&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
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		<title>Worst Player in Madden 2007 Strikes Back</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2010/01/worst-player-in-madden-2007-strikes-back/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2010/01/worst-player-in-madden-2007-strikes-back/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 04 Jan 2010 16:28:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Man No One Came To See</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[NFL]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John Madden]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=911</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[

To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07
Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel [...]]]></description>
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<p><img style='float:right;margin:10px;padding:10px;' src="http://www.thesportstruth.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/10/albright_ethan.jpg" /></p>
<p>To: John Madden<br />
CC: Electronic Arts Sports<br />
From: Ethan Albright<br />
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07</p>
<p>Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.</p>
<p>You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.</p>
<p>It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?</p>
<p>I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fuck, man, there are some shitty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.</p>
<p>I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut.</p>
<p></span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
John, you are such a fucking dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a &#8211; 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.</p>
<p>Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fuck me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.</p>
<p>I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a fucking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-ass fuckwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.</p>
<p></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
Fuck you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you fuck with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.</p>
<p>Rot in Hell,</p>
<p>Ethan Albright</span></p>
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		<title>Don Shula Too Old For The Boom Boom Pow</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2010/01/don-shula-too-old-for-the-boom-boom-pow/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2010/01/don-shula-too-old-for-the-boom-boom-pow/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 03 Jan 2010 21:10:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Man No One Came To See</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[NFL]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fergie]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Serenade]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Shula]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=906</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Fergie gave coaching legend Don Shula the serenade of a lifetime for his 80th birthday. Shula needed some assistance to enjoy it because I&#8217;m sure he, like so many others, believe Fergie is a hermaphrodite.
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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-907" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/0103_fergie_spl148662_006_2.jpg" alt="0103_fergie_spl148662_006_2" width="490" height="505" /></p>
<p>Fergie gave coaching legend Don Shula the serenade of a lifetime for his 80th birthday. Shula needed some assistance to enjoy it because I&#8217;m sure he, like so many others, believe Fergie is a hermaphrodite.</p>
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		<title>The Best 8 Fake Athletes You Should be Following</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2009/12/the-best-15-fake-athletes-you-should-be-following/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2009/12/the-best-15-fake-athletes-you-should-be-following/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 14 Dec 2009 22:57:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Serge Zwikker on the Break</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[F*&K YOU BRETT FARVE!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fantasy Football]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fat Ass Ben Rothlisberger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NFL]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rumors and Rants]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Unsportsmanlike Conduct]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=881</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Athletes in real life can be quite entertaining. From the off field antics of the lovable Chad &#8220;Childplease-Johnson-Ochocinco-Hachigo&#8221; to the misfortunes of Tiger Woods, these athletes often find themselves prey of the paparazzi if they slip up. Unfortunately for us sports lovers the majority of professional athletes have been censored by huge PR firms and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Athletes in real life can be quite entertaining. From the off field antics of the lovable Chad &#8220;Childplease-Johnson-Ochocinco-Hachigo&#8221; to the misfortunes of Tiger Woods, these athletes often find themselves prey of the paparazzi if they slip up. Unfortunately for us sports lovers the majority of professional athletes have been censored by huge PR firms and agents, leaving us to only guess what they are thinking in real life. The next best thing to knowing every true thought of our favorite professional athlete is following their fake Twitter accounts. These accounts not only give us a humorous side to the sports star, but they are also carefully planned out as to their accuracy. If you do not believe what I am saying, just check into several of these athletes. These are the 15 fake Twitter accounts that every  sports fan should be following. While they may not be an accurate representation of the athlete, they sure are pretty damn funny.</p>
<p><strong>8. Fauxjohnmadden</strong></p>
<p>The best things John Madden has brought to professional football is his football game and the approval of &#8220;The Annexation of Puerto Rico&#8221; in the movie Little Giants. Other than that this husky, boisterous sports personality is more annoying than insightful. However, his twitter account is absolutely ingenious.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-882 aligncenter" title="picture-1" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-1.png" alt="picture-1" width="475" height="60" /></p>
<p><strong>7. Notjakedelhomme</strong></p>
<p>Jake Delhomme has been the poster-boy for the Carolina Panthers organization for nearly a decade now. While he has led the Panthers to several playoff appearances and even a Super Bowl, he is still a f*ck up in every sense. While other QB&#8217;s boast large endorsements from national brands and chains, this Rajun&#8217; Cajun&#8217; is the spokesman for Bojangles. Even if we could understand a word he was saying, chances are it wouldn&#8217;t be as clever as this Twitter account.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-883 aligncenter" title="picture-2" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-2.png" alt="picture-2" width="469" height="77" /></p>
<p><strong>6. Fakebrett</strong></p>
<p>I tell ye what ye dere hushpuppy Brett Furrr likes to wear dem Wrangla&#8217; jeans while playin&#8217; for da Vikins&#8217; yeeeeee. Brett Farve is easily the most hated, attention seeking quarterback in the National Football League. If we could understand half the crap that came out of his mouth, he might make for a more interesting quarterback. However, we&#8217;ll just have to settle for the antic of Fakebrett.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-884 aligncenter" title="picture-3" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-3.png" alt="picture-3" width="478" height="71" /></p>
<p><strong>5. Fakefatjamarcus</strong></p>
<p>Jamarcus Russell is a fat ass, a terrible quarterback, yet a great personality. Sure he may be riding the bench in Oakland, but that simply gives him more time to tweet on the sidelines. Also note he was caught 2 weeks ago with a bag of Skittles in his game pants.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-885 aligncenter" title="picture-4" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-4.png" alt="picture-4" width="496" height="171" /></p>
<p><strong>4. Notkurtwarner</strong></p>
<p>As Kurt Warner gets older, he only becomes closer to God. As he becomes closer to God, he will only become a better father, quarterback, and religious nutcase. Sure, his wife Brenda may be most notoriously known for her mother-like appearance while he was with the Rams, but they&#8217;re a good family. This also makes for some GREAT tweeting.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-886 aligncenter" title="picture-5" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-5.png" alt="picture-5" width="504" height="146" /></p>
<p><strong>3. FauxTigerWoods</strong></p>
<p>In the past month, Tiger has royally screwed up his personal and professional life in a major way. He might have given up a life with a smoking hot Swedish supermodel and his golden boy image, but that doesn&#8217;t mean we can&#8217;t make fun of him for doing it. While backing out of the driveway might be the only way I can ever outdrive Tiger, this account give me comfort and solace in the fact that even the best go down.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-887 aligncenter" title="picture-6" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-6.png" alt="picture-6" width="473" height="83" /></p>
<p><strong>2. FakeTomBrady</strong></p>
<p>Tom Brady might be one of the NFL&#8217;s pretty boys, but he has his faults. From the knocking up a chick prior to putting the ring on Giselle to somehow becoming an injury factory every season, it&#8217;s easy to hate on Brady. Other than that, he&#8217;s also a great fantasy quarterback.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-888 aligncenter" title="picture-8" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-8.png" alt="picture-8" width="485" height="148" /></p>
<p><strong>1. Notjaycutler</strong></p>
<p>Cutlerfucker is a drunk. He&#8217;s also a party boy, horrible quarterback, fat ass, cocky, guido-esque and can somehow still pull the ladies. I don&#8217;t have to say much for this account, it&#8217;s simply the best of the best.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-889 aligncenter" title="picture-13" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-13.png" alt="picture-13" width="461" height="61" /></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-890 aligncenter" title="picture-14" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-14.png" alt="picture-14" width="472" height="270" /></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-891 aligncenter" title="picture-12" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-12.png" alt="picture-12" width="451" height="80" /></p>
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