A undiscussed career path could put Conan back in front of the camera next to Scott Van Pelt as a comedian doing sporting events. ESPN has dropped all the funny people, besides Van Pelt, and now is just a semblance of hack job reporters and women with porn star names. O’Brien would bring a new character to ESPN that they have sorely lacked since Kenny Mayne took time off.

Think about it Conan

8. Fauxjohnmadden

The best things John Madden has brought to professional football is his football game and the approval of “The Annexation of Puerto Rico” in the movie Little Giants. Other than that this husky, boisterous sports personality is more annoying than insightful. However, his twitter account is absolutely ingenious.

7. Notjakedelhomme

Jake Delhomme has been the poster-boy for the Carolina Panthers organization for nearly a decade now. While he has led the Panthers to several playoff appearances and even a Super Bowl, he is still a f*ck up in every sense. While other QB’s boast large endorsements from national brands and chains, this Rajun’ Cajun’ is the spokesman for Bojangles. Even if we could understand a word he was saying, chances are it wouldn’t be as clever as this Twitter account.

6. Fakebrett

I tell ye what ye dere hushpuppy Brett Furrr likes to wear dem Wrangla’ jeans while playin’ for da Vikins’ yeeeeee. Brett Farve is easily the most hated, attention seeking quarterback in the National Football League. If we could understand half the crap that came out of his mouth, he might make for a more interesting quarterback. However, we’ll just have to settle for the antic of Fakebrett.

5. Fakefatjamarcus

Jamarcus Russell is a fat ass, a terrible quarterback, yet a great personality. Sure he may be riding the bench in Oakland, but that simply gives him more time to tweet on the sidelines. Also note he was caught 2 weeks ago with a bag of Skittles in his game pants.

4. Notkurtwarner

As Kurt Warner gets older, he only becomes closer to God. As he becomes closer to God, he will only become a better father, quarterback, and religious nutcase. Sure, his wife Brenda may be most notoriously known for her mother-like appearance while he was with the Rams, but they’re a good family. This also makes for some GREAT tweeting.

3. FauxTigerWoods

In the past month, Tiger has royally screwed up his personal and professional life in a major way. He might have given up a life with a smoking hot Swedish supermodel and his golden boy image, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make fun of him for doing it. While backing out of the driveway might be the only way I can ever outdrive Tiger, this account give me comfort and solace in the fact that even the best go down.

2. FakeTomBrady

Tom Brady might be one of the NFL’s pretty boys, but he has his faults. From the knocking up a chick prior to putting the ring on Giselle to somehow becoming an injury factory every season, it’s easy to hate on Brady. Other than that, he’s also a great fantasy quarterback.

1. Notjaycutler

Cutlerfucker is a drunk. He’s also a party boy, horrible quarterback, fat ass, cocky, guido-esque and can somehow still pull the ladies. I don’t have to say much for this account, it’s simply the best of the best.

Tiger Woods’s struggles continued this weekend at the Buick Open where he finished at 20-under par with a $918,000 paycheck to take home. He won the event but how impressive was he? He only won a Buick.

This win defines Woods’s career. Through all the ups and downs, media hype, and occasional success, Tiger has never made the upgrade past Buick. Buicks are known around the world as a car for mediocrity, and that is what Tiger Strives for. This year he has won 40% of the stroke play events and is that suppose to impress us as he leaves the tournament in a LeSabre. hy doesn’t Mercedes, Lexus, or even Honda sponsor you? Oh yeah you are a loser.

Tiger has won a mildly impressive 5.4 million dollars this year so far, and he still drives a Buick. Pathetic sellout

Currently if a player hires a prostitute and strangles her, he  gets a slap on the wrist compared to the average player. But if Chad Ocho Cinco scores a touchdown and follows it with a “hooker strangler” end-zone dance . .  you had better believe that is humiliation on the highest of levels. No amount of fines could rival the embarrassment that would come from that video. So we’ve put together a list of potential NFL celebrations that have yet to be done. 

The Stallworth - The Stallworth is where upon scoring a touchdown, the offensive player that scores gets into a Tonka Truck, similar to what little children play with, and you push yourself forward while drinking a beer and strike an opposing player.

Difficulty (out of 5) – 4 It would be very hard to get into a kids play car originally, only the smaller players could pull it off, and then to chase down an NFL player in it would be nearly impossible. But cleats give you a strong push so it can be done if the right player attempts it.

Possible players : Steve Smith, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Darren Sproles

Creativity- 3 It is a 3 because people do this all the time. Tons of NFL players have DUIs so they know how and probably have driven while drinking. But it still gets a three because very few people come up with the idea to chase someone down and try to hit them with a kids play car.

Bas ass rating- 4 There is nothing cool about drunk driving and manslaughter, but to be one of the smallest guys on the field and to attempt to chase someone down in a kids toy is pretty ballsy. And if one manages to pull it off, then they will go down as legends similar to OJ Simpson and Rae Carruth.

Likelihood of getting fined/suspended- 3 For imitating someone who killed somebody will get you into Goodell’s doghouse, but as long as you do not seriously hurt the guy you hit and stop as soon as you do it, you will be fine. Consider Stallworth actually killed someone and he got only 24 days in jail.

The Chris Brown - The Chris Brown requires a lot of pre-game planning and confidence. Firstly you must purchase a hooker prior to the game, and the confidence to know you are going to score a touchdown that game. Upon scoring a touchdown, the player must run over to the hooker on the sidelines and deck her in the face, repeatedly.

Difficulty- 1 This move is definitely the easiest because requires zero skills and zero morality. You simply have to score a touchdown and then beat the hell out of a woman. Simple, most football players do that anyways so now they just have to do it in a game.

Possible players- Reuben Droughns, Sanonio Holmes, OJ Simpson, Ricky Williams

Creativity- 2 Again not very creative because it is something that goes on a lot. But to bring a hooker to the field and punch her repeatedly takes some guts and courage, and a little stupidity. The Chris Brown is worth a two but not any more

Bad-ass rating- 3 Beating up a woman is not bad-ass at all, but doing in front of 60,000 people makes you more ridiculous but also more ballsy and thus more bad-ass
Likelihood of Fine/Suspension: 5 Not only did you perform one illegal thing, buying a hooker, you also beat her ass in front of thousands of fans. You will no doubt receive a significant fine and suspension, but you may go to jail too.

The Greg Paulus – The Greg Paulus is when a teammate scores a touchdown and attempts to dunk the football over the goalpost. And when he does you run under him and flop to the ground as his nuts go squarely into your face.

Difficulty- 3 Although this move seems rather simple, one must plan it well so that your teammate takes off without him noticing you waiting in his path for his nuts. You also must throw away all pride and confidence because you are a bitch

Possible Players: Joe Jurevicius, Matt Cassel, any other white guy.

Creativity- 4 This move is adapted from another sport and it is done by a player that no one likes so it takes some mind power to come up with this trick. Also you need low self esteem and liking to homo-erotic things for this to work.

Bad-ass rating- 0 There is absolutely nothing bad ass about this move. You voluntarily run under your own teammates so that he can dunk on you as you fall to the ground with his nuts all in your grill

Likelihood of Fine/Suspension: 1 Well the NFL may fine you for partaking in another players celebration, the NFL is not your problem, its your own team. You act will upset a lot of people and they will openly try to fight you so the NFL is not your problem there.

The Lebron - The Lebron requires a player, upon entering the end zone, to quickly grab a number 23 Cleveland Cavaliers jersey and put it on and then grab some white powder and throw it in the air above you.

Difficulty- 4 The difficult part of this maneuver is the entrance into the end-zone. In a quick movement you must cross the goal line, put on a Cavaliers jersey and grab white powder. After that the move is quite simple but that initial move gives it the high rating.

Possible players: Terrell Owens, Chad Ocho-Cinco, Steve Smith

Creativity- 4 This move requires a lot of preparation and a lot of thinking about how to get the jersey and white powder on you when you cross into the end zone This move also requires you to imitate one of the biggest stars in sports so you must be unique when you go for it.

Bad-ass rating- 4 Again you are imitating the best basketball player in the world, so you need to do it with confidence and swagger or else you will get embarrassed. Got to go big or go home so in the end it better be real bad ass

Likelihood of Fines/Suspension- 3 Introducing outside objects into a celebration is usually an immediate fine or suspension, so you are going to get something. But since it is an impersonation of another great athlete, im sure the league would go easy on you because they would not want to offend LBJ.

The Nerd – The Nerd is where upon scoring a touchdown, the player grabs a pre placed Segway and frolics about the field on the two wheeled vehicle.

Difficulty- 2 This move is rather easy to perform considering it warrants no real skill. But similar to The Chris Brown, it requires placing an outside object on the side of the field so that no one notices it, which is quite a feat.

Possible players- Adam Vinatieri, Matt Cassel, Matt Leinart

Creativity- 5 The NFL is not a league that is usually associated with nerds, so for a player to swallow their pride and perform this groundbreaking celebration, they must have a lot of creativity. Also allows for further innovations with a new celebration while riding on the Segway, imagine the possibilities.

Bad ass rating: 3 The bad ass rating can vary a great deal around how the driver uses the Segway. For instance, if the player were to say shotgun a beer then his rating would be a five, or if he just rode it around for a minute or two then that would be a one. The Segway could revolutionize the endzone dance so look out.
Likelihood of Fine/Suspension: 5 Introducing an outside object to a celebration is an automatic fine so you definitely will be fined but how much will be determined by ones actions on the Segway

The Vick – The Vick is where upon scoring a touchdown, the player grabs a Rottweiler or a Pit Bull and hops on its back and proceeds to ride the dog throughout the stadium. All the while, his teammates hold sombreros and various drugs.

Difficulty: 5 Have you ever tried to ride a dog? It is nearly impossible especially when you are a 200 pound NFL player. The harder part is for the teammates to find sombreros and hide drugs on themselves throughout a game hoping for the touchdown.

Possible players: Clinton Portis, Ray Lewis, Chad Ocho-Cinco

Creativity: 3 This scenario has been played out a lot in the media but having the guts and confidence to pull this off deserves a good creativity rating. The integration of all Vick’s past sins makes it creative and difficult to pull off.

Bad ass rating- 4 Again there is nothing bad ass about the crimes that Vick was convicted of, but in this celebration no dogs were hurt and if performed correctly, there will be a NFL player riding a dog around the field, thats bad ass.

Likelihood of Fine/Suspension: 5 This will get all involved fined heavily and suspended indefinitely. Harking back to the dark days of Vick’s career is a no-no for NFL players so any mention would for sure warrant a harsh punishment. Also the teammates have drugs on the field so that won’t work out well for them.

The Obama – The Obama is where upon scoring a touchdown, the player hops into a hospital bed and props his legs up like he is about to give birth. His teammates gather around and remove the football from the players arm as if it is a baby. Upon the “birth” of the football, the teammates provide the mother and the government with a signed birth certificate verifying the citizenship of the football. This celebration can only be performed at the Pro Bowl in Honolulu, Hawaii.

Difficulty: 5 This celebration requires a lot of planning and skill to pull it off in the one game a year where it is acceptable. You first have to be elected to the Pro Bowl, then you have to score a touchdown in the game, and then perform the intricate celebration. By far the most difficult celebration to ever be performed. This move requires confidence, planning, and an immense amount of skill because it is replicating the birth of our President and must be done to perfection or you are disgracing his name.

Possible Players: Ryan Leaf, Jeremy Shockey, Kellen Winslow

Bad ass rating- 5 Although giving birth is rather un-bad ass, to perform it at the Pro Bowl with a real life hospital bed is quite impressive. One need not explain the importance of the birth of Obama as he is our President. Impersonating him requires a lot of confidence and this celebration would spit in the face of the “birther” crowd that do not acknowledge Obama’s citizenship.

Likelihood of Fine/Suspension: 1 Because this celebration can only be performed at the Pro Bowl, the odds of suspension or fines are low because the game is for pure entertainment value and this would surely entertain. This would be a great way to get the President’s attention on football and it would get a lot of news coverage.

The Roethlisberger – The Roethlisberger is where upon scoring a touchdown, the player proceeds to grab a pre-placed motorcycle and drive it around the field while eating a doughnut. To finish the celebration, the player must wreck on the motorcycle. For bonus points upon crashing the player can combo into the Chris Brown and rape a pre-placed hooker.

Difficulty: 4 (5 with the Chris Brown Combo) This celebration is not all that difficult but it does require some manliness to willingly crash a motorcycle in the middle of a game. Pre-placing the motorcycle out of view from the fans and your coach is also quite difficult but can be done.

Bad ass rating: 4 This would get a 5 if it were not for the crash at the end. It is pretty bad ass to grab a Harley off the sidelines and cruise around the field embarrassing the other team.

Likelihood of Fine/Suspension: 5 Introducing a outside object with definitely get you a fine and maybe a small suspension, but if you combo The Roethlisberger with the Chris Brown, you are looking at a solid 30 days in prison so this is definitely worthy of its five rating.

Possible Players: Terrell Owens, Chad Ocho-Cinco, Donovan McNabb

You heartless bastard. 

Unlike 99.8% of male bloggers in this country of fast food, questionable morals, and worthless celebrities I’ve actually had the pleasure of meeting Erin Andrews . . . in person. While trying to file 6,000 UNC seniors into the Dean E. Smith center during the 2008 UNC vs. Duke basketball game, several people from the Carolina Athletic Association were questioned about our responsibilities and duties regarding the game. She was nice, sincere, and completely devoted to her job despite the thousands of googley eyes fixated on her  undoubtably perfect ass . . . which she would probably contribute to her dream of becoming the Erin Andrews we know and love anyways. 

Compare this to the attitude of Jenn Sterger (who maybe a handful of men recognized as the Florida State cowgirl) and Dick Vitale (who somehow found a way to ejaculate in the middle of 28 scantily dressed men) and you can understand why we instantly fell in love with America’s sideline princess.  It’s a win for both sides that ESPN gives us such a creation during sporting events. But some fuckhole with a high-tech has ruined that for all of us.

I hope you get crabs and your arms are lopped off in a freak roller coaster accident, you worthless piece of shit. 

The difference between Erin Andrews and the 50,000 Lindsay Lohan crotch-shots that surface on a weekly basis is the integrity and morality in the life they live. Andrews is on the road on a daily basis. Traveling from sporting event to ESPN awards shows, it’s hard to believe that Erin has the time to live the life of a bona-fide celebrity. On top of all this travel, she also has to keep up with the daily sporting news and events that may have the slightest impact on her fantasy football teams. Lohan, however, lives a life of luxury despite her last source of income being a film about a fucking Volkswagon Beetle. 

Your freckles ruined your crotch-shots, Ginger.

If anyone deserves to have their nude photos plastered across the internet in an escalating fashion it’s those celebrities that wear the 3 inch skirt without panties. The Hollywood trash that thrives off daddy’s money and pays MTV to create a reality show to search for their new best friends. The same people that believe a degree is worth shittles as long as they have a pretty smile and men will pay to see their sex video. Erin Andrews, however, has a degree from the University of Florida. The same institution where a quarterback with no medial background can circumcise young boys, and a downs syndrome patient can become an NBA lottery pick.

How the fuck did this anomaly come from Miss Sweden?

The point is that Erin Andrews is educated, appreciated, and before the Bobby Frasor sex scandal, everyone had viewed her crotch as a figment of their imagination. Was it clean? Landing strip? Or something completely new and awesome we had never seen before on her downstairs canvas? While millions of men fantasized about a nude video, we all knew that she was so devoted to her job and reputation in the sports world that that day would never come.

Now her Google reputation is ruined.  

When more people are searching for a video that was illegally taken of you in a hotel room than your work as a sportscaster, it’s going to be a while before your bare ass is out of the limelight. Search results for the “Erin Andrews Peephole Video” and “Erin Andrews Peephole Pictures” have exploded throughout the interwebs. With well over 250,000 results for each term, it’s not very difficult for any devout computer enthusiast to find the illicit video. But unaware to many people, there’s a hidden scam out there that’s protecting the integrity of our beloved Sideline Princess.

There’s no condom for your Google query. 

Searching for the “Erin Andrews Peephole” incident has become as risky as having unprotected, homeless, obese recovering heroin addict in Grand Central. You never know what you might catch, she’ll probably leave you shamed, and there’s always the chance a sex tape might go viral. These Erin Andrews video “STD’s” are the only thing protecting the integrity of Andrews at this moment. ESPN has understandably refused to report on the incident (other than verifying it was Erin) and sites such as TMZ  have taken a neutral stance, but have surprisingly refused to put the video up. While refusing to post the video is a great and noble cause to help prevent the spread of the video, it’s the spammers attaching trojan horses to potential videos that are doing the real job. As soon as Americans realize that nearly all of that downloading these videos is a game of Andrews-Roulette, perhaps the storm will pass for Sideline Princess. For once in the internet’s history, hat’s off to the spammers.

And here’s to every sports fan out there that still fantasized about what Sideline Princess looks like nude.  

            When it comes to the NFL, it seems their players can get away with a good bit more than the normal person. Whether if it’s the NFL’s PR department pulling multimillion-dollar strings, or the fact that these players have the disposable income to hire top-notch lawyers, it always seems like they are getting off the hook. From man slaughter with guns to running pedestrians over with cars, these players are not setting a great example for the rest of society.

QB – Micahel Vick:

Michael Vick was blessed with the ability to throw a football 70 yards and run as fast as any player in the league, but one thing he was not blessed with was the ability to make one good life decision. Vick has been a fixture in the news cycle for his various run ins with the law over the course of his career. Starting in 2004, Vick was involved in a drug arrest where two men were distributing marijuana in a car owned by Vick. This was only the beginning. Over the next few years, he had various run ins with women and airport security that were extremely embarrassing to the NFL and the Atlanta Falcons. 
 
Vick faced a rather bizarre lawsuit from a former friend, Sonya Elliot. Elliot claimed that Vick had knowingly and willingly infected her with Genital Herpes in April of 2003. She filed suit in March of 2005 seeking damages from the infection. Elliot claimed that Vick had never mentioned it before their encounter and when she confronted Vick he stated, “I’ve got something to tell you. I’ve got it.” Elliot also claimed that Vick sought test and treatment under the name “Ron Mexico.” The case was settled out of court but opposing fans had a lot of fun with the nickname.

The final straw was Vick pleading guilty to Conspiracy to Travel in Interstate Commerce in Aid of Unlawful Activities and to Sponsor a Dog in an Animal Fighting Venture. Federal Judge Hudson said he was “convinced that it was not a momentary lack of judgment” on Vick’s part, and that Vick was a “full partner” in the dog fighting ring, and he was sentenced to serve 23 months in federal prison. Vick ended up spending 19 months in Federal prison and recently was released to serve the rest of the sentence on house arrest. He is still awaiting trial for state charges in Virginia. 

WR – Donte Stallworth

Early in the morning on March 14th, 2009, Cleveland Brown’s Wide Receiver Donte Stallworth was driving back from a swanky Miami nightclub when suddenly his black 2005 Bentley struck a man as he crossed the road to catch a bus. Stallworth had been drinking when he struck the man but he immediately pulled over and alerted the authorities about the accident. After the accident he submitted himself to a sobreity test where he blew 0.126 Blood Alcohol Content, well above the legal limit to drive. 
 


On June 4th, 2009, Stallworth was charged with DUI Manslaughter, which could have netted him 15 years in prison. Throughout the case, Stallworth had complied with the authorities wanted and pled guilty and accepted full responsibility for his actions and the family of the victim wanted the case to end to end the emotional trauma, so the state attorney gave him a lenient sentence of 30 days in jail, two years house arrest, and then eight years probation with a separate financial settlement with the family of the victim. 
 
Stallworth’s future with the NFL and the Cleveland Browns is unknown but surely he will be punished heavily, Defensive End Leonard Little was suspended eight game in 1998, when the NFL was significantly more lenient on players. 

WR – Rae Carruth:

On November 16, 1999, Ray Carruth of the Carolina Panthers became the main suspect of the murder of Cherica Adams. At the time, she was pregnant with their daughter Chancellor. On this day, Cherica was found shot four times in a drive-by shooting that left her mangled on the floor. Cherica was able to call 911 and describe Carruth stopping his vehicle in front of hers as it shot into the car. She then described Carruth fleeing from the scene.

Adams was six months pregnant with Carruth’s child, which was born prematurely in the hospital. Cherica would later die on December 14. Carruth later posted the $3 million bail, but failed to turn himself in after the death of Cherica. He was later found in the trunk of a car in Tennessee with $3,900 cash, bottles holding his urine, extra clothes, candy bars, and a cell phone.  During the trial, Carruth was found guilty of conspiracy to commit murder, shooting into a vehicle, and using an instrument to destroy an unborn child. He is now serving an 19 years 11 months in Raleigh, North Carolina. 

WR – Michael Irvin

            Michael Irvin is hooked on the powder. He has probably done enough of it in his life to powder every nose in a small country, which is probably unacceptable for a professional athlete. In the late 90’s, Irvin kept the Texas district attorneys busy as he frequented the courtrooms for drug related charges. A former Dallas police officer named Johnnie Hernandez also allegedely had been plotting to have Irvin killed. He was arrested for paying an undercover DEA agent $2960 to have Irvin murdered.

RB – Travis Henry

            In 2002, this Buffalo Bills running back was named to the pro bowl following his terrific career with the University of Tennessee. In 2009, he as named the most Prolific Father of the Year on Father’s Day.   He has fathered at least 11 children from 10 different women. After dropping nearly $100,000 on a new car and $150,000 on jewelry, Travis admitted he is now broke as legal troubles and child support payments began to pile up.

            On September 30, 2008 Travis was arrested and jailed by the DEA after allegedly being involved in the transaction of several kilograms of cocaine in Colorado. The prosecutors have portrayed Henry as the main ‘money guy’ in the cocaine trafficking rings and he faced 10 years to life. On April 2, 2009 he reached a plea agreement.  Aside from a short term in prison, he will have to pay around $4 million in fines . . . roughly equivalent to his child support payments.

RB – OJ Simpson

            No comment here.

Defense – The Minnesota Viking’s

            Nothing beats partying. But nothing could ever beat partying on a boat with prostitutes that were flown in just for the special occasion. On October 6, 2005 on Lake Minnetonka 17 members of the Minnesota Vikings took part in an incident known as the “party boat”. The alleged partiers include Daunte Culpepper, ringleader Fred Smoot, Mewelde Moor, Bryant McKinnie, Pat Williams, Kevin Williams, Lance Johnstone, Jermaine Wiggins, Moe Williams, Willie Offord, and Ken Irvin. According to sources, two boats were rented and all but 2 of the players performed sex acts in front of an estimated 90 people.

            After the incident emerged in the media, the Vikings created a 77 page Code of Conduct that was read and distributed to all players. They also hired an ex FBI agent and NFL investigator as head of security, as well as the help of a private firm. Out of all the Party Boat fallout, Cullpepper, Smoot, McKinie, and Moe Williams were charge with indecent and disorderly conduct. They faced up to 90 days in prison, but all charges were dropped for Culpepper. Smooth and McKinnie pleaded guilty and were forced to pay a fine and perform 48 hours community service. They also had 30 day jail sentences.

Defense (Backup) – Ray Lewis:

On January 30th as the St. Louis Rams stopped the Tennessee Titans at the half yard line to win the Super Bowl XXXIV, Ray Lewis celebrated with his friends until the early hours in an Atlanta Nightclub. These celebrations eventually led to an argument between Lewis’ posse and other club patrons that escalated to a physical altercation. The altercation ended with two dead and Lewis’ limousine speeding away from the club with gunshots flying outside the club. 
 


Lewis’ limousine was found later behind the hotel Lewis was staying at. He was arrested on suspicion of first-degree murder and held without bail. His two accomplices, Reginald Oakley and Joseph Sweeting, had disappeared after the altercation. Oakley, Sweeting, and Lewis all had previous run ins with the law, Lewis had been accused of assault multiple times while attending the University of Miami. Lewis was eventually charged with two counts of malicious murder, two counts of felonious murder, and two counts of assault with a deadly weapon. 
 


In June of 2000, Lewis pled guilty to misdemeanor obstruction of justice and was sentenced to one-year probation, he had to pay one-third of the court cost, and was forbidden from using drugs or alcohol during his probation. The National Football League came down hard on the accused murder with a $250,000 fine, Lewis recently signed a deal worth $44.5 million dollars. The year following his arrest, Ray Lewis won a Super Bowl and a Defensive Player of the Year Award. 


K – Sebastian Janikowski

Sabastian Janikowski, the kicker . . . is a tougher guy than most people give him credit for. While most NFL players will taunt the work ethic and strength of the kicker, Janikowski can actually say he’s been in the slammer. His first brush with the law occurred in June of 2000, when he was charged for bribery of a police officer. Allegedly, Janikowski testified that he was simply attempting to pay a friend’s ticket on the spot, not bribe an officer. Just 8 days after these charges were dropped, Janikowski and 2 friends were arrested for felony possession of the drug GHB.  He then faced prison time and deportation if convicted of the crimes, but was again acquitted of all charges in April of 2001. After earning a reputation for partying at Florida State, it was well known that he was a party animal and faced troubles with his newfound fame and money. On October 2, 2002 Janikowski was charged with a DUI and sentenced to 3 years probation after pleading no contest to the charges.  One year later he would be arrested in a bar fight after a fight in a California restaurant. Surprisingly, there was insufficient evidence and the case was dropped.

Media – Tolly Carr:

On March 11th, 2007 Tolly Carr, the local news sports anchor, was enjoying a few drinks with some friends in downtown Winston-Salem, North Carolina. The bars closed and Tolly decided to drive home from the bar but he was too intoxicated to make it home. While driving he slammed his pick-up truck through a construction site and killed a 26 year old on his way back to his apartment. Carr refused a Breathalyzer test but a blood test later revealed that he had a blood alcohol content of .13, although toxicology reports estimated he consumed between 12-22 drinks that night. In August of 2007, Carr pleaded guilty to felony death by motor vehicle and was sentenced to three years in prison, and five more years on probation. 

According to parents of the 5-year olds, the bus they chartered was caught in significant traffic which resulted in the group’s 10 minute tardiness. But we have several stories flying around 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue this morning:

 

A spokesperson said the group was actually supposed to be there at 9:30, but they held the gates for the group until 10:30, 15 minutes longer than they told the group, but when they still hadn’t arrived, they had to draw the line.

Paty Stine said the White House staff should have made an exception. She feels the kindergarteners were snubbed for the Steelers.

“Here we have President Obama and his administration saying, ‘Here we are for the common, middle class people,’ and here he is not letting 150 5- and 6-year-olds into the White House because he’s throwing a lunch for a bunch of grown millionaires,” Stine said.

Thursday night the White House released this statement: “The President and First Lady are dedicated to opening the doors of the White House to the public, and it is unfortunate to see young people miss a tour. The visitor’s office is already working to reschedule the group.”

 

So it’s the word of the parents (who failed to account for the possibility that traffic might be a problem) vs the staff of the White House. I’m just so glad this didn’t happen during the Tar Heel’s meet and greet. State fans would have gone shit rage. 

Source: http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Kindergarteners-Snubbed-for-Steelers.html

Throughout last season, all the west coast media blabbed about was how Manny became a positive influence to the Dodger’s lineup by “calming” the nerves of young bench players as well as giving them a much needed confidence boost. However, if you look at the stats, the media was clearly blubbering as Manny did nothing for their overall stats. RBIs and HRs dropped significantly, while the only their on base and batting average made a noticeable increase (only in some). 

Player…..Pre Manny/Post..AVE…OBP…..SLG…..OPS…AB…R..HR..RBI..SB

Andre Ethier………..Pre..0.274…0.338…0.442…0.779..351..53..11…46…3

Andre Ethier……….Post..0.368…0.448…0.649…1.097..174..37…9…31…3

Matt Kemp…………..Pre..0.295…0.351…0.464…0.815..390..57..12…57..26

Matt Kemp………….Post..0.282…0.319…0.449…0.768..216..36…6…19…9

James Loney…………Pre..0.296…0.354…0.456…0.810..395..53…9…60…4

James Loney………..Post..0.275…0.307…0.390…0.697..200..13…4…30…3

Russell Martin………Pre..0.297…0.393…0.428…0.821..374..56..10…52..10

Russell Martin……..Post..0.246…0.367…0.330…0.697..179..31…3…17…8

Although the Dodgers are indeed missing an integral part of their lineup, it will be interesting to see what kind of impact the absence of Manny will play through mid-June.  A Deadspin reader pointed out that:

What was the first night of post-Mannywood like? Totally strange. It’s like someone took a scrub brush and wiped every trace of Manny from the stadium-including the fans. I figured there probably wouldn’t be Manny videos and I thought they might even pull the Manny merch from the stands and vendors (I didn’t see any for sale) but I looked all night and couldn’t even find a fan with a Manny shirt on. (And these guys are usually everywhere….often with the fake dreds). Seems LA has turned on the guy, at least judging from how quickly he’s been forgotten. Oh, except we lost in spectacular fashion. That hadn’t seemed to happen much (or at all) this season.

On the other hand, it seems the only person celebrating the Manny steroid allegations is our good friend Jose Canseco. Jose decided to hold a special press conference in a LA hotel earlier today to say “I told you so” and accept any questions. The results are as follows:

That’s right, only 1 AP reporter made the trip to hear Jose’s ego feeding and “I told you so’s”. The only question reportedly asked was by a hotel busboy regarding the “freeness” of the ham sandwiches.