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	<title>The Jock Itch &#187; Tragedy</title>
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		<title>John Wooden, UCLA legend, In Grave Condition</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2010/06/john-wooden-ucla-legend-in-grave-condition/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2010/06/john-wooden-ucla-legend-in-grave-condition/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 04 Jun 2010 12:45:33 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Man No One Came To See</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[NCAA Basketball]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pic of the Day]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tragedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Basketball]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Bill Walton]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Derek Fisher]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[LA Lakers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[UCLA]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Wooden]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=988</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Former UCLA basketball coach and Hall of Famer John Wooden has been  hospitalized in Los Angeles, the school said late Thursday night.
The  athletic department said in an e-mail that Wooden was at UCLA Medical  Center, but per the wishes of his family would not comment on his  condition.
Television station KCAL in [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: center;"><img class="aligncenter" src="http://48stater.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/john_wooden.jpg" alt="" width="630" height="743" /></p>
<p>Former UCLA basketball coach and Hall of Famer John Wooden has been  hospitalized in Los Angeles, the school said late Thursday night.</p>
<p>The  athletic department said in an e-mail that Wooden was at UCLA Medical  Center, but per the wishes of his family would not comment on his  condition.</p>
<p>Television station KCAL in Los Angeles first reported  Wooden&#8217;s hospitalization, and the Los Angeles Times confirmed it through  school sources. Both outlets described his condition as &#8220;grave.&#8221;</p>
<p>Former Bruins star Bill Walton told the Associated Press from the NBA  Finals that he last visited with Wooden two days ago at the hospital.</p>
<p>&#8220;He&#8217;s  the greatest,&#8221; Walton said, his voice catching. &#8220;We love him.&#8221;</p>
<p>Walton  also would not comment on his condition.</p>
<p>Wooden, the former UCLA coach and Hall of Famer, has been confined to a  wheelchair after a series of minor health setbacks in recent years. He  was hospitalized briefly a month ago and spent weeks in the hospital a  year ago being treated for pneumonia.</p>
<p>UCLA spokesman Marc Dellins  told the AP he spoke to a Wooden family member Thursday evening and the  family asked that no other information about Wooden be released.</p>
<p>UCLA  Medical Center spokeswoman Roxanne Moster said she couldn&#8217;t confirm  whether Wooden was there or not because it would be a &#8220;violation of  medical privacy laws.&#8221;</p>
<p>Family members and UCLA staff would not  comment to ESPN.com.</p>
<p>Wooden led the Bruins to 10 NCAA  championships &#8212; at one time winning seven in a row &#8212; during a 27-year  run that ended with his team cutting down the nets one last time in  1975.</p>
<p>The Bruins won 88 consecutive games from 1971-74 and 38  consecutive NCAA tournament games from 1964-74, both records.</p>
<p>NBA  commissioner David Stern was asked about Wooden&#8217;s contributions to the  sport of basketball before Game 1 of the NBA Finals between the Los Angeles  Lakers and Boston Celtics  on Thursday night.</p>
<p>&#8220;We decided that we would not declare his  obituary now, other than to say that he&#8217;s the winningest coach in our  history, four 30-0 seasons, and the ultimate aficionado of our game,&#8221;  Stern said. &#8220;We hope he&#8217;s in peace right now, and we&#8217;ll wait on events.&#8221;</p>
<p>Walton  and Stern weren&#8217;t the only people at the Finals thinking of Wooden.</p>
<p>&#8220;My  heart goes out to him and his family,&#8221; Lakers guard Derek Fisher said after Los Angeles&#8217; win over Boston in Game 1. &#8220;He&#8217;s  meant so much to the game of basketball and to Los Angelenos in  particular. I don&#8217;t think there&#8217;s anyone other than maybe Magic Johnson who can even come close to being as important in the  history of basketball here in Southern California as John Wooden.&#8221;</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Cheetah&#8217;s Life in Shambles</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2009/12/cheetahs-life-in-shambles/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2009/12/cheetahs-life-in-shambles/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 06 Dec 2009 22:34:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Man No One Came To See</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Tragedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tiger Woods]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=870</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Which came first the affairs or this creepy moustache?
&#8220;He really did like it quite rough. He wanted to spank me and loved pulling my hair as we had sex. He also liked me to talk dirty to him, but hair-pulling was what really turned him on.&#8221;
Really Tiger?
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-871" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/tiger-woods-00.jpg" alt="tiger-woods-00" width="318" height="360" />Which came first the affairs or this creepy moustache?</p>
<p>&#8220;He really did like it quite rough. He wanted to spank me and loved pulling my hair as we had sex. He also liked me to talk dirty to him, but hair-pulling was what really turned him on.&#8221;</p>
<p>Really Tiger?</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>12 Reasons You Were Never Meant to Dunk</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2009/11/15-ways-a-dunk-can-go-wrong/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2009/11/15-ways-a-dunk-can-go-wrong/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:23:58 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Serge Zwikker on the Break</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ACC Basketball]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BCS Bullshit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[EXtReME!!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MULLETS! F*CK YEAH!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NBA]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NCAA Basketball]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tragedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Trucks and Redneck Things]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=850</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[1. You can dunk the ball . . . but you&#8217;re considered clinically obese:

2. You have absolutely ZERO depth perception:

3. You think the trampoline is a great place to dunk from:

4. You had to enlist in the military instead of the NBA . . . and still can&#8217;t dunk:

5. If you think Sir Isaac Newton&#8217;s [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>1. You can dunk the ball . . . but you&#8217;re considered clinically obese:<br />
<object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/5Mg8sgWSk2w&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5Mg8sgWSk2w&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<p>2. You have absolutely ZERO depth perception:<br />
<object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/7bexnr-NIqc&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/7bexnr-NIqc&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<p>3. You think the trampoline is a great place to dunk from:<br />
<object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/VDWCaKHp6mI&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/VDWCaKHp6mI&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<p>4. You had to enlist in the military instead of the NBA . . . and still can&#8217;t dunk:<br />
<object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/ShmorvHQCTQ&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ShmorvHQCTQ&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<p>5. If you think Sir Isaac Newton&#8217;s laws do not apply to chairs and dunking off of them:<br />
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/JXFYtFqfRbI&#038;hl=en_US&#038;fs=1&#038;"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/JXFYtFqfRbI&#038;hl=en_US&#038;fs=1&#038;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></p>
<p>6. The high school asked you to be the mascot instead of the center:<br />
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CfW69rHtxIo&#038;hl=en_US&#038;fs=1&#038;"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CfW69rHtxIo&#038;hl=en_US&#038;fs=1&#038;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></p>
<p>7. They ask you to put on a Scream mask before attempting a dunk:<br />
<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2zUQLxSQgMY&#038;hl=en_US&#038;fs=1&#038;"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/2zUQLxSQgMY&#038;hl=en_US&#038;fs=1&#038;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object></p>
<p>8. You&#8217;re fat, dunking depends on your life, and there&#8217;s only a bucket:<br />
<object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/R_OyT7gOuoA&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/R_OyT7gOuoA&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<p>9. See (5) and apply to shopping carts:<br />
<object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/Cab4b7GN7Cw&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Cab4b7GN7Cw&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<p>10. You&#8217;re a nerd and you have a dunk called &#8220;the Spidey&#8221; involving wall climbing:<br />
<object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/hVljY84ES44&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hVljY84ES44&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<p>11. If your friends convince you to jump off their backs . . . from 10 ft out:<br />
<object width="425" height="344" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/EuU2-6p2rrc&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/EuU2-6p2rrc&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /></object></p>
<p>12. You don&#8217;t believe in the slippery powers of freaking ICE:<br />
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lcVQR6Zhpq8&#038;hl=en_US&#038;fs=1&#038;"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lcVQR6Zhpq8&#038;hl=en_US&#038;fs=1&#038;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<item>
		<title>The Future of NFL Celebrations</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2009/07/the-future-of-nfl-celebrations/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2009/07/the-future-of-nfl-celebrations/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 31 Jul 2009 19:31:58 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Man No One Came To See</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[NFL]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rumors and Rants]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tragedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Unsportsmanlike Conduct]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WTF?]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=660</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[For years the NFL top suits have began cracking down on one of the most integral parts of the game: the celebrations. From making cell phone calls to proposing to a future wife in the end-zone, the commissioner has attempted to rid the game of every fun and careless celebration following a touchdown. While we applaud [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>For years the NFL top suits have began cracking down on one of the most integral parts of the game: the celebrations. From making cell phone calls to proposing to a future wife in the end-zone, the commissioner has attempted to rid the game of every fun and careless celebration following a touchdown. While we applaud his efforts to clean up the game on the field, we believe that his focus should be on the players off the field. If not, we may begin to see celebrations that begin to mock the actions of other players or celebrities . . . and to be honest, this might be the only way to keep people from acting like idiots off the field. </p>
<p>Currently if a player hires a prostitute and strangles her, he  gets a slap on the wrist compared to the average player. But if Chad Ocho Cinco scores a touchdown and follows it with a &#8220;hooker strangler&#8221; end-zone dance . .  you had better believe that is humiliation on the highest of levels. No amount of fines could rival the embarrassment that would come from that video. So we&#8217;ve put together a list of potential NFL celebrations that have yet to be done. </p>
<h3><strong>The Stallworth</strong> - <span style="font-weight: normal;">The Stallworth is where upon scoring a touchdown, the offensive player that scores gets into a Tonka Truck, similar to what little children play with, and you push yourself forward while drinking a beer and strike an opposing player.</span></h3>
<h3><img class="size-full wp-image-663 aligncenter" title="dante-stallworth" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/dante-stallworth.jpg" alt="dante-stallworth" width="500" height="333" /></h3>
<p><strong>Difficulty (out of 5) &#8211; 4</strong> It 		would be very hard to get into a kids play car originally, only the 		smaller players could pull it off, and then to chase down an NFL 		player in it would be nearly impossible. But cleats give you a 		strong push so it can be done if the right player attempts it.</p>
<p><strong>Possible players</strong> : Steve Smith, 		TJ Houshmandzadeh, Darren Sproles</p>
<p><strong>Creativity</strong><strong>- 3</strong> It is a 3 because 		people do this all the time. Tons of NFL players have DUIs so they 		know how and probably have driven while drinking. But it still gets 		a three because very few people come up with the idea to chase 		someone down and try to hit them with a kids play car.</p>
<p><strong>Bas ass rating- 4</strong> There is 		nothing cool about drunk driving and manslaughter, but to be one of 		the smallest guys on the field and to attempt to chase someone down 		in a kids toy is pretty ballsy. And if one manages to pull it off, 		then they will go down as legends similar to OJ Simpson and Rae 		Carruth.</p>
<p><strong>Likelihood of getting 		fined/suspended- 3</strong> For imitating someone who killed somebody will 		get you into Goodell&#8217;s doghouse, but as long as you do not 		seriously hurt the guy you hit and stop as soon as you do it, you 		will be fine. Consider Stallworth actually killed someone and he 		got only 24 days in jail.</p>
<h3><strong>The Chris Brown - <span style="font-weight: normal;">The Chris Brown requires a lot of pre-game planning and confidence. Firstly you must purchase a hooker prior to the game, and the confidence to know you are going to score a touchdown that game. Upon scoring a touchdown, the player must run over to the hooker on the sidelines and deck her in the face, repeatedly.</span></strong></h3>
<h3><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-664" title="the-chris-brown" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/the-chris-brown.jpg" alt="the-chris-brown" width="400" height="265" /></h3>
<p><strong>Difficulty- 1</strong> This move is 		definitely the easiest because requires zero skills and zero 		morality. You simply have to score a touchdown and then beat the 		hell out of a woman. Simple, most football players do that anyways 		so now they just have to do it in a game.</p>
<p><strong>Possible players-</strong> Reuben 		Droughns, Sanonio Holmes, OJ Simpson, Ricky Williams</p>
<p><strong>Creativity</strong><strong>- 2 </strong>Again not very 		creative because it is something that goes on a lot. But to bring a 		hooker to the field and punch her repeatedly takes some guts and 		courage, and a little stupidity. The Chris Brown is worth a two but 		not any more</p>
<p><strong>Bad-ass rating- 3</strong> Beating up a 		woman is not bad-ass at all, but doing in front of 60,000 people 		makes you more ridiculous but also more ballsy and thus more 		bad-ass<br />
Likelihood of Fine/Suspension: 5  		 Not only did you perform one illegal thing, buying a hooker, you 		also beat her ass in front of thousands of fans. You will no doubt 		receive a significant fine and suspension, but you may go to jail 		too.</p>
<h3><strong>The Greg Paulus &#8211; </strong><span style="font-weight: normal;">The Greg Paulus is when a teammate scores a touchdown and attempts to dunk the football over the goalpost. And when he does you run under him and flop to the ground as his nuts go squarely into your face.</span></h3>
<h3><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-665" title="paulus-millionaire" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/paulus-millionaire.jpg" alt="paulus-millionaire" width="352" height="283" /></h3>
<p><strong>Difficulty- 3</strong> Although this 		move seems rather simple, one must plan it well so that your 		teammate takes off without him noticing you waiting in his path for 		his nuts. You also must throw away all pride and confidence because 		you are a bitch</p>
<p><strong>Possible Players:</strong> Joe Jurevicius, 		Matt Cassel, any other white guy.</p>
<p><strong>Creativity- 4 </strong> This move is 		adapted from another sport and it is done by a player that no one 		likes so it takes some mind power to come up with this trick. Also 		you need low self esteem and liking to homo-erotic things for this 		to work.</p>
<p><strong>Bad-ass rating-  0 </strong> There is 		absolutely nothing bad ass about this move. You voluntarily run 		under your own teammates so that he can dunk on you as you fall to 		the ground with his nuts all in your grill</p>
<p><strong>Likelihood of Fine/Suspension: 1</strong> Well the NFL may fine you for partaking in another players 		celebration, the NFL is not your problem, its your own team. You 		act will upset a lot of people and they will openly try to fight 		you so the NFL is not your problem there.</p>
<h3><strong>The Lebron - <span style="font-weight: normal;">The Lebron requires a player, upon entering the end zone, to quickly grab a number 23 Cleveland Cavaliers jersey and put it on and then grab some white powder and throw it in the air above you.</span></strong></h3>
<p><strong><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-666" title="to-copy" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/to-copy.jpg" alt="to-copy" width="400" height="320" /></strong></p>
<ul></ul>
<p><strong>Difficulty- 4</strong> The difficult part 		of this maneuver is the entrance into the end-zone. In a quick 		movement you must cross the goal line, put on a Cavaliers jersey 		and grab white powder. After that the move is quite simple but that 		initial move gives it the high rating.</p>
<p><strong>Possible players: </strong>Terrell Owens, 			Chad Ocho-Cinco, Steve Smith</p>
<p><strong>Creativity- 4</strong> This move 		requires a lot of preparation and a lot of thinking about how to 		get the jersey and white powder on you when you cross into the end 		zone This move also requires you to imitate one of the biggest 		stars in sports so you must be unique when you go for it.</p>
<p><strong>Bad-ass rating- 4</strong> Again you are 		imitating the best basketball player in the world, so you need to 		do it with confidence and swagger or else you will get embarrassed. 		Got to go big or go home so in the end it better be real bad ass</p>
<p><strong>Likelihood of Fines/Suspension- </strong><strong>3 </strong> Introducing outside objects into a celebration is usually an 		immediate fine or suspension, so you are going to get something. 		But since it is an impersonation of another great athlete, im sure 		the league would go easy on you because they would not want to 		offend LBJ.</p>
<h3><strong>The Nerd &#8211; </strong>The Nerd is where upon scoring a touchdown, the player grabs a pre placed Segway and frolics about the field on the two wheeled vehicle.</h3>
<h3><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-667" title="the-nerd" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/the-nerd.jpg" alt="the-nerd" width="298" height="374" /></h3>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><strong>Difficulty- 2</strong> This move is 		rather easy to perform considering it warrants no real skill. But 		similar to The Chris Brown, it requires placing an outside object 		on the side of the field so that no one notices it, which is quite 		a feat.</p>
<p><strong>Possible 			players-</strong> Adam Vinatieri, Matt Cassel, Matt Leinart</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><strong>Creativity- 5</strong> The NFL is not a 		league that is usually associated with nerds, so for a player to 		swallow their pride and perform this groundbreaking celebration, 		they must have a lot of creativity. Also allows for further 		innovations with a new celebration while riding on the Segway, 		imagine the possibilities.</p>
<p><strong>Bad ass rating: 3</strong> The bad ass 		rating can vary a great deal around how the driver uses the Segway. 		For instance, if the player were to say shotgun a beer then his 		rating would be a five, or if he just rode it around for a minute 		or two then that would be a one. The Segway could revolutionize the 		endzone dance so look out.<br />
<strong>Likelihood of Fine/Suspension: 5</strong> Introducing an outside object to a celebration is an automatic 		fine so you definitely will be fined but how much will be 		determined by ones actions on the Segway</p>
<h3>The Vick &#8211; The Vick is where upon scoring a touchdown, the player grabs a Rottweiler or a Pit Bull and hops on its back and proceeds to ride the dog throughout the stadium. All the while, his teammates hold sombreros and various drugs.</h3>
<p><strong><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-668" title="michael-vick" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/michael-vick.jpg" alt="michael-vick" width="576" height="324" /></strong></p>
<ul></ul>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><strong>Difficulty: 5</strong> Have you ever 		tried to ride a dog? It is nearly impossible especially when you 		are a 200 pound NFL player. The harder part is for the teammates to 		find sombreros and hide drugs on themselves throughout a game 		hoping for the touchdown.</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><strong>Possible players: </strong>Clinton 			Portis, Ray Lewis, Chad Ocho-Cinco</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><strong>Creativity: 3 </strong> This scenario has 		been played out a lot in the media but having the guts and 		confidence to pull this off deserves a good creativity rating. The 		integration of all Vick&#8217;s past sins makes it creative and difficult 		to pull off.</p>
<p><strong> Bad ass rating- 4</strong> Again there 		is nothing bad ass about the crimes that Vick was convicted of, but 		in this celebration no dogs were hurt and if performed correctly, 		there will be a NFL player riding a dog around the field, thats bad 		ass.</p>
<p><strong>Likelihood of Fine/Suspension: 5</strong> This will get all involved fined heavily and suspended 		indefinitely. Harking back to the dark days of Vick&#8217;s career is a 		no-no for NFL players so any mention would for sure warrant a harsh 		punishment. Also the teammates have drugs on the field so that 		won&#8217;t work out well for them.</p>
<h3>The Obama &#8211; The Obama is where upon scoring a touchdown, the player hops into a hospital bed and props his legs up like he is about to give birth. His teammates gather around and remove the football from the players arm as if it is a baby. Upon the “birth” of the football, the teammates provide the mother and the government with a signed birth certificate verifying the citizenship of the football. This celebration can only be performed at the Pro Bowl in Honolulu, Hawaii.</h3>
<p><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-669" title="to-obama-baby" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/to-obama-baby.jpg" alt="to-obama-baby" width="798" height="746" /><strong> Difficulty: 5 </strong> This celebration 		requires a lot of planning and skill to pull it off in the one game 		a year where it is acceptable. You first have to be elected to the 		Pro Bowl, then you have to score a touchdown in the game, and then 		perform the intricate celebration. By far the most difficult 		celebration to ever be performed. This move requires confidence, 		planning, and an immense amount of skill because it is replicating 		the birth of our President and must be done to perfection or you 		are disgracing his name.</p>
<p><strong>Possible Players:</strong> Ryan Leaf, 			Jeremy Shockey, Kellen Winslow</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><strong>Bad ass rating- 5</strong> Although giving birth is rather un-bad ass, to perform it at the Pro Bowl with a real life hospital bed is quite impressive. One need not explain the importance of the birth of Obama as he is our President. Impersonating him requires a lot of confidence and this celebration would spit in the face of the “birther” crowd that do not acknowledge Obama&#8217;s citizenship.</p>
<p><strong>Likelihood of Fine/Suspension: 1</strong> Because this celebration can only be performed at the Pro Bowl, the odds of suspension or fines are low because the game is for pure entertainment value and this would surely entertain. This would be a great way to get the President&#8217;s attention on football and it would get a lot of news coverage.</p>
<h3>The Roethlisberger &#8211; The Roethlisberger is where upon scoring a touchdown, the player proceeds to grab a pre-placed motorcycle and drive it around the field while eating a doughnut. To finish the celebration, the player must wreck on the motorcycle. For bonus points upon crashing the player can combo into the Chris Brown and rape a pre-placed hooker.</h3>
<h3><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-670" title="roethlisburger-wreck" src="http://thejockitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/roethlisburger-wreck.jpg" alt="roethlisburger-wreck" width="280" height="392" /></h3>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><strong>Difficulty: 4 (5 with the Chris 		Brown Combo) </strong> This celebration is not all that difficult but it 		does require some manliness to willingly crash a motorcycle in the 		middle of a game. Pre-placing the motorcycle out of view from the 		fans and your coach is also quite difficult but can be done.</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><strong>Bad ass rating: 4 </strong>This would 		get a 5 if it were not for the crash at the end. It is pretty bad 		ass to grab a Harley off the sidelines and cruise around the field 		embarrassing the other team.</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><strong>Likelihood of Fine/Suspension: 5</strong> Introducing a outside object with definitely get you a fine and 		maybe a small suspension, but if you combo The Roethlisberger with 		the Chris Brown, you are looking at a solid 30 days in prison so 		this is definitely worthy of its five rating.</p>
<p><strong>Possible Players:</strong> Terrell Owens, 			Chad Ocho-Cinco, Donovan McNabb</p>
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		<title>You did WHAT playing softball?</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2009/07/you-did-what-playing-softball/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2009/07/you-did-what-playing-softball/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:15:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Serge Zwikker on the Break</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[F*&K YOU BRETT FARVE!]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Tragedy]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[Slow pitched men&#8217;s softball. America&#8217;s sport. God&#8217;s sport. My dad used to say there is nothing in this world like Sunday tournaments. My family went Methodist to Baptist for this mere reason. Blasphemous? You bed your ass it was. But it also resulted in my father&#8217;s notorious 8 time church league championship run. Goddamned brilliant. [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Slow pitched men&#8217;s softball. America&#8217;s sport. God&#8217;s sport. My dad used to say there is nothing in this world like Sunday tournaments. My family went Methodist to Baptist for this mere reason. Blasphemous? You bed your ass it was. But it also resulted in my father&#8217;s notorious 8 time church league championship run. Goddamned brilliant. My dad had the arm of a rocket and the mind of a scientist. He threw the ball faster than fuck . . . underhanded. What are the dangers in playing against overly aggressive men with 3 children, a wifely forced vasectomy, and a 40 hour work week? <a href="http://deadspin.com/5302613/there-are-so-many-ways-to-make-your-leg-turn-purple">Deadspin pointed it out all too well.</a> </p>
<p>A Botched Slide:</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><img class="aligncenter" title="Slide" src="http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/11/2009/06/504x_custom_1245955047376_Picture_6_05.png" alt="" width="504" height="334" /><strong>A Pulled Hammy:</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong><img class="aligncenter" title="Hammy" src="http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/11/2009/06/504x_Picture_5_01.png" alt="" width="504" height="648" />A Slip at First Base:</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong><img class="aligncenter" title="1st" src="http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/11/2009/06/504x_Picture_11_06.png" alt="" width="504" height="429" />And a Broken Ankle:</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong><img class="aligncenter" title="ankle" src="http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/11/2009/06/504x_custom_1245955431915_bob_s_ankle2.jpg" alt="" width="504" height="336" /><br />
</strong></p>
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		<title>Nick Adenhart, Angel&#8217;s Pitcher Killed In Auto Accident</title>
		<link>http://thejockitch.com/2009/04/nick-adenhart-angels-pitcher-killed-in-auto-accident/</link>
		<comments>http://thejockitch.com/2009/04/nick-adenhart-angels-pitcher-killed-in-auto-accident/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:44:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Serge Zwikker on the Break</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[MLB]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tragedy]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thejockitch.com/?p=42</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[TMZ is reporting that Angel&#8217;s pitcher Nick Adenhart was killed in a tragic hit and run earlier this morning just hours after pitching in last night&#8217;s game. A minivan that ran a red light plowed through the cars, killing three, and continuing on their path. To the assholes that took this 22 year old&#8217;s life [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignleft" title="Nick A" src="http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/deadspin/2009/04/nickadenhart.jpg" alt="" width="288" height="162" />TMZ is reporting that Angel&#8217;s pitcher Nick Adenhart was killed in a tragic hit and run earlier this morning just hours after pitching in last night&#8217;s game. A minivan that ran a red light plowed through the cars, killing three, and continuing on their path. To the assholes that took this 22 year old&#8217;s life : burn in hell. The sad fact is that even if convicted, they will only face 10 &#8211; 20 years for the crime. How is a speeding automobile any different than a bullet in the case of a death?</p>
<p>From <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2009/04/09/angels-starting-pitcher-killed-after-ball-game/">TMZ</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p><em>Cops say someone driving a minivan blew through a red light, causing the Mitsubishi that </em><em>Adenhart </em><em>was riding in to hit a light pole. Three people were killed in the crash: Nick, another man and a woman. </p>
<p>Cops say the person driving the </em><a id="KonaLink1" class="kLink" href="http://www.tmz.com/2009/04/09/angels-starting-pitcher-killed-after-ball-game/#" target="undefined"><span style="color: #29a256;"><span class="kLink"><em>van</em></span></span></a><em> fled the scene &#8212; but was later caught and charged with felony hit-and-run. The suspect is currently being treated for injuries in a local hospital. </p>
<p>We&#8217;re told one of the other men killed in the crash was also affiliated with the Angels organization. </p>
<p>Nick was 22 years old. </p>
<p>FYI &#8212; Nick pitched his ass off last night, striking out 5 guys in 6 scoreless innings. His performance was hailed by sportswriters as a &#8220;brilliant effort by a 22-year-old right-hander making his fourth Major League start.&#8221;</em></p>
</blockquote>
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