NASCAR GPS Finally on the Way – FML

15 Apr 2009

Occasionally I will visit my hometown newspaper online to see what the word is within Stanly County. Other than the plea from the editorial board to ban gay marriage, NASCAR graced the front page this morning with a state-of-the-art breakthrough in GPS navigation. Yes, where I am from NASCAR makes the front page for trendy merchandise. 

As released this morning, NASCAR, Transplant GPS, and JR Motorsports announced the introduction of the Dale Earnhardt Jr. Edition Spotter GPS Navigator. There is a chance to buy it pre-sale beginning today on Amazon, and will be available at Wal-Marts across the nation on May 15. Why the Sharper Image didn’t get in on the gravy train still baffles me. 

The Spotter has has all the same features as a regular GPS system, except, get this, it is designed specifically for NASCAR fans. It has destinations that are built in as points of interest for NASCAR fans, such as tracks, shops, Jr. Johnson’s bootleggin’ routes, and every other destination that could have been simply queried with “NASCAR” in a regular GPS. What would have been an improvement is if they could have created a whole fleet of these shits, so Dale Jr. GPS systems can cuss at the Jeff Gordan’s. And NASCAR teammates can find each other on the highways and draft off their asses to conserve gas. The opportunities are endless, yet they stuck with the obvious feature: Dale Earnhardt Jr. reads shit to you. 

That’s right. The GPS will give you spot-on directions in Dale Jr.’s voice and southern draw. The commands include “hang a left”, “park it. We’re here” and my personal favorite, “You drive, I’ll ride shotgun”. 

The Dale Jr. GPS Navigation System.