Aporkalypse Now – Call Me the Porkator
01 May 2009
So I posted “hamdemic” (Thanks to Ross at Trivia for enlightening me with this term) to Reddit yesterday and it failed after nearly 12 hours. Last night I posted this article and “No one liked my idea of calling the “pandemic” a “hamdemic” . . . well, I’m drunks and I hope you all die in the Aporkalypse” (which over 3,500 people agree with at this point). . . and it has stirred a lot of comments and debate as the number 1 story. It also earned me a top spot on mydrunktxt.com although I never texted it nor submitted it to that site. Either way, it was really sweet. But, since we all agree the H1N1 virus is terribly boring, we’ve came up with a few other names and puns for the flu. If you find these tasteless . . . then you should probably just stick with H1N1.
- Hamdemic
- The Aporkalypse
- Hammageddon
- The Snoutbreak
- Manbirdpig
- Bacon Lung
- Epigdemic
- Take Porkautions
- Sty at Home
- Hamerican Flu
- A virus of epig proporktions
- Ham Sneeze
- Farmageddon
- Cured Flu
- Godhamit!
- Parmageddon
- Piggmunization shots
- “It’s just a little airborne. It’s still good, it’s still good!”
- “Read Hamlet. That could get rather boaring though.”
- “Start bacon some cakes to help you stay nourished”
- “Bring on the Four Boars of the Aporkalypse: Gammon (the pineapple slayer), Ham (devourer of pickle), Bacon (meat candy) and Crackling (the almighty toothbreaker). The swine is nigh I tells ye! Repent ye vegans and vegetarians and pay homage to the shrine of lard or roast forever basted in your own dripping.”
- “Seriously, people are more afraid of H1N1 than they are of cancer: It’s snout a tumor!”
- “Oinkment? I’m all stocked up!”
While CNN is apt to steal these puns and use them on live TV (they quoted one word-for-word nearly 3 hours after it was submitted yesterday), if this whole things get bad we’ll need someone in charge of some comic relief. The fact that 5,769 American die from being a fat ass every day . . . and 1 person has died from the swine flu warrants me to make fun of this media frenzy. I will take full responsibility in this comic relief . . . you can call me the Porktator.